


Choices All My Own

by Scutter



Series: A Most Unexpected Man [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Alpha/Omega, Dubious Consent, I can't believe I actually wrote this, Knotting, M/M, Omega Verse, Pain, Really long drawn out sex, Sex, Smut, Various Kinks, Violent Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-18
Updated: 2013-07-21
Packaged: 2017-12-20 13:35:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 21,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/887881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scutter/pseuds/Scutter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Omegaverse fic. Kaidan is an omega. He’s been taking suppressants for years to avoid going into heat, but now, he and Shepard are stranded on Mavigon in a week long blizzard, and his suppressants have run out… Smut ensues. This was supposed to be a PWP, but somehow it got really long and emotionally intense and managed to grow a plot. Of sorts. Sorry. I’d recommend not reading it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Avoidance is the Only Way

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, um… this was going to be a simple smut fic that suddenly grew a plot. And emotions. And turned out to be about 5 times longer than I thought it would be.   
> It’s set in ME3, but takes place on one of the ME1 assignment worlds. Basically I just screwed with circumstances until they were to my liking.  
> And the content is… odd.   
> It’s Omegaverse… my own special brand of Omegaverse, which ended up being very complex and detailed, which, I suppose, is a backlash against the Omegaverse fics which just have people leap into bed at the drop of a hat.   
> And then my imagination just started running away with me one day and it kept going. And going. And going. Not sure what to say about that, but… um… sorry. Please don’t read this. It’s really quite dreadful.

Mavigon, in the Han system, was known for its blizzards. They blew up without warning, and while they usually lasted around 12 hours, it was not unheard of for them to last anything up to a week. One weather system would merge with another, building up the storm again as it tried to die out.

A small team of five, led by Shepard, had come here to investigate a storage facility reported to have been left by Helena Blake’s late business partner. The Alliance had dug up information that suggested high level explosives were being stored here… and they were understandably nervous about them falling into the wrong hands.

Unfortunately, if there had been any explosives, they had been thoroughly cleaned out. Scuff marks on the floor suggested that heavy crates had been moved, though recently, or in the distant past? Who knew…

Which was all fascinating background information, Kaidan thought, as he paced the interior room of the base. But none of it actually helped him now. Merely an hour after entering the base, and less than halfway through their exploration of the crates and equipment, a blizzard had blown in. And then another… and then the storm had really hit. Food and water supplies were plentiful, thanks to the former occupants of the base, but they were four days in, with no signs of the storm abating. 

Which meant that Kaidan was about to have a serious problem.

Because, unknown to the rest of his crew, with the singular exception of Dr. Chakwas, he was, in fact, an omega, one of the rare few who had been cleared for duty in the Alliance. And, being trapped on this planet, inside this base, he had run out of hormonal suppressants a full three days ago.

Which meant that in less than 12 hours – unless he was suddenly granted a miracle – he was going to go into heat.

It was less than a decade since omegas had been granted the right to serve with the Alliance. Prior to that, they had been deemed too fragile, ill-prepared for the rigors of active duty. And quite frankly, soft in the head. But the Self-Determination Bill of Omegas had made all that history. Now, omegas were allowed to select a career of their own choosing, were afforded the right to refuse to reproduce and the statutory rape clause had made it a crime for an alpha to mate with an omega in heat unless written consent was given 48 hours before the heat began. After which time, omegas were considered too hormonal to be considered capable of consenting, as they were likely to just throw their pants off and mate with anything that moved.

Kaidan didn’t know if that was true. He’d been through only one heat, at the age of 18, and being his first, it had been very mild. And then, thanks to his father’s connections, and later, to the changing law, he had been on suppressants ever since. 

Of course, omegas in the Alliance were required to be on suppressants permanently, to prevent the omega heat – 12 hours of rampant sexual drives during which the omega produced a pheromone which drove alphas mad with desire, and, according to them, rendered them utterly unable to contain themselves. Hence the rape clause of the new legislation. 

And the fact that there had been intense objections to it. 

Even so, there were periodic reports of omegas being gang-mated, ending up with broken bones, beaten and bloodied. Their injuries were often horrific, and several in the past few years had died.

But then again, omegas who went into heat didn’t have a whole lot of great options available. Without mating an alpha, the omega was left in unmitigated agony for 12 hours.

Kaidan took a deep breath. That was his fate, unless this storm let up in the next hour or so. Desperate for some good news, he glanced over to where Shepard was fiddling with his omni-tool.

“EDI? Do you read me?” No response. Shepard adjusted the settings and tried again. “EDI? Do you read me?”

“…eading you... uch interference…ble to cle…”

“What’s the storm system doing?”

Silence.

“EDI? How’s the storm?”

A sudden break in the static had them all holding their breath. “…nother weather system moving in. Estimated extraction possible in two days… rit dieg…. besen…torow.” Any further message was lost in static, and outside, the wind seemed to whip itself into a new frenzy.

Kaidan leaned his head back against the wall and took a deep breath. “Shit…” The word was barely audible, but Shepard heard it anyway. 

“Cabin fever getting to you?” The question was soft and sympathetic, lacking any of the scorn that another commanding officer might have offered him. But Shepard was like that. A clear-headed beta, he had always put the wellbeing of his crew first. Kaidan glanced at the rest of their squad – James, Liara and Garrus. James was also a beta, and the other two were aliens – Turians, as far as he knew, had a simply two-gendered system, while the asari were mono-gendered. It was entirely likely that neither of them had much of an understanding of the convoluted five-gendered system of human mating. Alphas, of course, were all male, but betas and omegas could be either male or female. The betas were sterile, childbearing falling to the usually docile omegas. Or at least, they had been docile, until the ‘Omega Liberation’ movement.

But back to the issue at hand, Kaidan told himself firmly, having realised that long moments had passed since Shepard asked him the question. His impending heat was not something he wanted to discuss with the rest of the crew – not that he really wanted to discuss it with Shepard either – and he jerked his head at Shepard, silently asking him to follow.

Kaidan led them to a relatively secluded section of the base, then turned to face Shepard, feeling his cheeks heat, and grappling for words.

“Is there a problem?” Shepard asked in a low voice.

“Yes,” Kaidan replied emphatically. But the nature of the problem still eluded explanation.

“What is it?” Shepard asked, with his usual care and concern, and Kaidan felt a twinge of longing. He’d often contemplated a relationship with Shepard – _fantasized_ was too strong a word for the scenes that played though his head. But as a strong beta, Shepard would have been an ideal partner for an omega. Not that many betas chose omegas as partners. It was too much hassle for a lot of them, when a nice, easy going beta was so much simpler. But he didn’t spend too long kidding himself. Shepard was his CO. Regulations didn’t allow for that kind of fraternization. Ever.

“Uh…” How the hell did one politely phrase a conversation that included the words ‘I’m an Omega’ and ‘I’m about to go into heat’? “Um… it’s…kind of personal,” he hedged finally, and Shepard, true to form, simply nodded patiently. 

“Okay. Hit me with it.”

“Do you… Have you had access to any of my medical records?” Kaidan asked. As an omega, it was possible Shepard had been alerted to his status, in case of emergencies. And when Shepard’s expression grew suddenly cautious, Kaidan felt both embarrassed, and relieved. So he did know, then. 

“I’ve… been given access to certain parts of it.”

“So you know I’m an omega,” Kaidan said, barely audible for fear their team mates would overhear. 

Shepard nodded. “I was made aware of that, yes.”

Kaidan nodded, and took a deep breath. “I’ve been on suppressants for years.” The omega heat came on once a year. The suppressants worked with almost 100% success, but the small pills had to be taken every day – a small price for the freedom to serve his planet and explore the galaxy, Kaidan had always thought. 

Until he had been stranded on a blizzard-stricken planet for the past 4 days. 

“I took my last dose three days ago,” Kaidan blurted out, before he lost his courage. “Sometime in the next 12 hours, I’m going to go into heat.”

Shepard’s first reaction was to look at the door, no doubt calculating how long it would be before they were back on the Normandy. The howling wind and driving sleet were audible even from here, a dire answer to the question Kaidan had already asked himself a dozen times.

Shepard took a deep breath. Opened his mouth to speak… and was utterly lost for words. Looked out the door again. “We’re not going to make it back to the Normandy for that,” he concluded finally.

“No, we’re not,” Kaidan agreed. 

“Shit…” That summed it up nicely. “Is it true what they say?” Shepard asked him suddenly. “That it’s… painful… if you’re not… um…”

“If I’m not mated. Yes.” Blunt and to the point. “But given the way alphas treat omegas, I’m not actually convinced being mated would be any better.”

The vids coming out on the extranet lately had been brutal. No wonder they sedated the alphas who were used in the breeding centers. Omegas needed to mate to bear young, but the brutal methods of the average alpha were unmanageable, resulting in those alphas who volunteered for breeding being drugged, both to reduce the resulting alpha-heat, brought on by the scent of a ripe omega, and to reduce their ability to fight. The results were… acceptable, and birth rates had steadily recovered from the drastic lows of a decade ago after the sedatives had been introduced. 

But back to the problem at hand. “Look…” he said to Shepard. “There’s nothing you can do. The best thing would be to lock me in the room at the far end of the base and ignore me for 12 hours. It’ll be painful, but there’s nothing you can do to help. I just wanted to give you the heads up that that’s what we’re in for.”

To his surprise, Shepard had turned pale. He shook his head. “Uh, no… that’s not the worst of our problems.” He met Kaidan’s eyes, regret and pity filling them. “I’m an alpha.”

Kaidan felt the blood drain from his face. Shepard was an alpha?? Okay, so he’d never been told for sure, but he’d always assumed the calm, controlled commander of the Normandy was a beta. Alphas were too highly strung, to impulsive to be given positions of command. 

But, by the same argument, omegas were too weak and unreliable to be given positions of responsibility in the Alliance, and he’d certainly disproved that myth. 

But the problem went far beyond their roles in the Alliance. An alpha was utterly unable to resist the scent of an omega in heat. And an omega, by the same token, would go out of his way to seek out an alpha, if one was within range. It wasn’t simply a case of keeping their distance from each other. Once the heat was in full swing, little short of a nuclear explosion would keep them away from each other. 

Kaidan felt sick. He respected Shepard. Admired him. Had even fancied himself a little in love with him. 

And he was about to be raped by him.

Shepard shook his head. “You have two options,” he said quickly. “Neither of them is what I would like to offer you, but short of stepping outside and turning into a human popsicle, they’re all I’ve got. We can go the avoidance route. There are ropes in here, chains. We can get the others to tie us both up, put us at opposite ends of the compound behind locked doors. That should keep us apart for long enough. Or, if you’re willing, you can let me mate you.”

Kaidan let out a harsh laugh. “So I can suffer indescribable agony for 12 hours, or I can consent to be raped?”

“Fuck! Kaidan!” Shepard was looking at him with a pained expression, and Kaidan instantly regretted his harsh words. “God…”

“I’m sorry,” Kaidan apologised. “I’m sorry, I just…” 

“If there was a better option, I’d give it to you,” Shepard said, sounding hurt, stressed, and more than a little regretful. “But I don’t see any other options right now. Do you?”

“You’ve seen what alphas do,” Kaidan ground out between gritted teeth. “You’ve seen the vids-“

“I’ve seen them,” Shepard confirmed. “Brutal acts of violence that the omegas never recover from. But it doesn’t have to be that way.”

“What? Are you out of your mind?”

“Alphas don’t have to be violent,” Shepard insisted. “If circumstances are… managed carefully, they can be…”

“Be what?”

Shepard was clearly searching for words. And the delay was not encouraging. “The sex is always a little rough. But you’d end up with bruises and scratches. Maybe a bite or two. There’s no reason for it to end with broken bones and internal bleeding.”

Kaidan regarded Shepard skeptically. He’d heard such stories, of alpha-omega pairs who loved each other, mated willingly, remained committed to each other even after a mating… But he’d always dismissed the stories as the idealistic nonsense of romantic dreamers. Did Shepard really believe that they could… “If circumstances are managed how?”

Was that relief on Shepard’s face? “The pair needs to be in a safe environment,” he explained calmly, far, far more calm than Kaidan was feeling. “Somewhere secure with no interruptions. A comfortable bed. A good supply of food and water. And if the omega submits, then the alpha doesn’t need to assert his dominance. Minimal injuries, no fighting. That’s as good as it gets.”

“A willing omega?” Kaidan clarified, and Shepard nodded. “Which comes back to the same thing,” he snapped. “I consent to be raped, and we pretend everything’s fine.”

Shepard’s eyes were filled with sorrow. He took a slow breath… closed his eyes, then shook his head. “No,” he agreed. “You’re right. It’s rape, whichever way we look at it. I mean, it’s not like you could legally give me consent right now, anyway. So we go with the avoidance route? James could restrain me. Upstairs. Get Garrus to do something for you down here.” 

Shepard seemed to be waiting for his agreement… but Kaidan frowned. The law said that an omega close to their heat wasn’t thinking clearly. But he felt perfectly capable of making the decision to consent, or not. Hell, if it was anyone but Shepard, the decision would be made, avoidance being the only sane choice. Done and dusted. But he objected to the idea that he wasn’t in his right mind right now. They were discussing the options, rationally and realistically…

But despite the unintended slight, Shepard’s conclusion was still right. They needed to be separated. And soon.

Unfortunately, that meant the rest of their squad also knowing about the heat. Garrus and Liara would likely miss the social nuances of the event, but James… James would know exactly what was going on. And all of its implications for the future of their missions, their service together. Despite the change in the law, prejudices still ran hot among their species.

“Yes, alright… but wait… could you…” Kaidan flushed bright red, unable to meet Shepard’s eyes. “Could you fill the others in on what’s happening? I really don’t feel like explaining it right now.”

And once again, it was hard to believe that this calm, reasonable, considerate man was an alpha. “I’ll talk to them,” he said softly. “How about you go get yourself set up in the end room. Food, water. Drag a mattress in from the sleeping quarters.”

Kaidan nodded, feeling thoroughly embarrassed, and headed off to get to work.


	2. Choices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what happens when I have too much time on my hands. I really need to get myself a hobby...

Ropes, Kaidan thought apprehensively, as Garrus sorted through a selection he had gathered. And chains. Padlocks. A leather belt. He glanced around the little room with growing disquiet. James had completely avoided looking at him as he took Shepard upstairs, and it was hard to imagine that right above him, Shepard was having the same thing done to him.

God, was this really the best way? 

“Are you ready?” Garrus asked, eyeing him dubiously, and Kaidan realised how strange this must look to outsiders. A species completely unprepared to deal with their own sexuality. He took a deep breath. Waited for his conscience to remind him that this was the best way.

And to his utter frustration, what his pea-sized brain actually threw back at him was something Shepard had said, something he hadn’t had the presence of mind to question at the time. “Alphas don’t have to be violent.” He had gone on to describe the ideal situation, the privacy, the security, but… how the hell had he known that in the first place?

And suddenly, Kaidan needed to know. If he was going to put himself through 12 hours of pure torture, he wanted to know he was doing it for the right reasons. 

“Wait, wait…” God, what on earth was he thinking… “I want to talk to Shepard for a minute,” he said, earning an even more dubious look from Garrus. 

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Garrus asked.

“I’ll be quick,” Kaidan promised, then bolted for the stairs. 

James was securing a leather cuff around Shepard’s wrist when Kaidan burst into the room, and both of them were instantly on alert. James, he was sure, was perfectly prepared to tackle him to the ground and knock him unconscious if need be. Allowing your CO to rape your crew mate was not going to be on Vega’s list of things to do…

“I need to talk to Shepard,” Kaidan said, trying hard to sound calm and reasonable. “The heat hasn’t hit yet. We’ve got a little bit of time.”

“Make it quick,” James ordered, looking none to happy about it. And then, when both Kaidan and Shepard just looked at him, he swore. But he obediently turned and headed out of the room.

Kaidan’s heart was thumping in his chest. He wasn’t seriously considering…? “You said alphas don’t have to be violent,” he said quickly, once James was out of earshot. “Do you have any actual evidence or experience that says that is true?”

“Yes,” Shepard replied instantly, and Kaidan felt his heart skip a beat. Oh god, let it be true… “I’ve…” He looked away, embarrassed. “I’ve been through an omega heat before.”

Kaidan’s jaw dropped. That was the furthest thing from his mind. “How…?” Omegas who weren’t contracted to breeding centers didn’t let themselves go through heat. At least, not deliberately. It was insanity.

“I knew a guy back on Arcturus,” Shepard explained. “He was an omega. He wanted to… know what a heat was like. So he asked me to participate. I agreed.” 

The news was staggering – not just that an omega had willingly put himself at risk in such a way, but that Shepard had… had mated with… The entire concept had become strangely taboo for their modern culture, the mating considered too primitive, too animalistic to be discussed in polite company. And his CO had _participated_ in one?

“And how was it?” Kaidan heard himself ask. Oh help, was he serious?

“Educational,” Shepard said wryly. “Not like I expected. The guy had done the research, though, and knew what to expect. We went somewhere secluded, private, safe… he talked me through what would happen. And then he stopped taking his suppressants.”

“And did you hurt him?”

“No,” Shepard said. “Well… the mating is rough. He had his fair share of bruises. But nothing like the beatings that the average omega goes through.”

“And he was… okay with that?”

“He came back the next year,” Shepard said, a hint of disbelief in his voice, even after all these years. “He asked me to do it again.”

Kaidan stepped back, eyes wide. No omega he had ever known had wanted to go through a mating twice, not after having an unsedated alpha have his way with him. It spoke volumes, of the trust between the pair, of the truth of Shepard’s almost unbelievable story, that alphas didn’t have to be violent…

“Either way, at this stage it would be statutory rape,” Shepard stated flatly. “Avoidance is the only option at this point.”

Kaidan drew in a deep breath. Let it out slowly. “What would I have to do? I mean, how do you make it safe?”

“You can’t be serious.” Shepard was staring at him with open mouthed astonishment. “You all but accused me of raping you already, downstairs, and now you want to… No. No fucking way.”

“I’m not asking you to do it,” Kaidan said, though in reality, he very probably was. “Just tell me what it’s like.”

“Like I said,” Shepard explained, as if talking to an imbecile, “the omega has to be willing. You’d need to submit to the mating. Stay within arms reach of me at all times. Do as I say.”

“Do as you say? What are you likely to tell me to do?”

“It’s nothing… unreasonable,” Shepard hedged. “Most alphas have a preferred position, ways they like to be touched… or not touched. And if the omega is willing, it’s not so different from mating with a beta. Mutual affection and stimulation. Cooperation.”

“And if I disobey?”

Shepard looked uncomfortable. “I’d be likely to use force.”

“You say that from experience?”

His face fell, his expression losing all of its boldness. “Yes.”

“Tell me about it.”

More with the gaping look of disbelief. “Say what?”

“If this guy had done all the research, if he consented, then why would he resist?”

And now Shepard looked even more uncomfortable. Hell, they were openly discussing a topic that was usually kept for dark corners and seedy backstreets. But in for a penny, in for a pound…

“He wanted to know… Fuck… Do we have to do this?”

“I want to know,” Kaidan said firmly. “I have a right to know.”

“Shit...” Shepard gritted his teeth. “He wanted to know what would happen. If he… He tried to leave. See, the Alpha goes into heat about an hour after the omega’s pheromones kick in. The omega can still refuse at that point – that’s what most of the rape cases are about. But the alpha won’t let him leave. He’s hooked, like an addict needing his next fix. So… this guy… he decided to test that out. Got up and tried to leave an hour and a half in.”

“And what did you do?”

“Tackled him. Pinned him to the floor. Asked him where he was going.” Shepard was breathing quickly, and it was hard to tell whether it was from regret… or arousal. “He said he wanted to go outside. So I…”

Shepard paced away. The chain attached to his wrist clinked loudly in the suddenly quiet of the room.

“So you…?”

“So I bit him. Dragged him back to the bed. Told him he couldn’t leave.”

“And then what?”

“And then he submitted.” Shepard went to say something else, but seemed at a loss for words. He shifted uncomfortably, and Kaidan happened to glance down… and Christ in heaven, Shepard had the most massive erection Kaidan had ever seen pressing into the front of his pants. He felt his mouth go dry. Fear, he acknowledged his own feelings. Not arousal. Not the slightest hint of arousal. Just heart-racing, ice-in-his-veins fear.

“I should go,” he whispered, struggling to force his feet to take him back to the door.

“You really should.”

Thankfully, at that moment, James had apparently decided they had had long enough. 

“Hey, Major? I’d get your ass back downstairs if I was you,” he advised Kaidan darkly, striding back into the room. He reached for a length of chain, and gave Kaidan a pointed look.

“Yeah,” Kaidan agreed, finally getting his feet to obey him. “I’m going.” He stumbled down the stairs in a daze. Dragged himself back into his own little room, for his own personal 12 hour hell. Plopped down on the mattress he had acquired, and stared at the wall blankly as Garrus secured a rope firmly around his wrist. 

What he was thinking was sheer madness. And it was certainly no easy decision. He’d heard the stories about omegas who went unmated during a heat. The agony was described as being like having your skin peeled off, over and over again, over a 12 hour period. Some omegas went mad. A few never recovered. 

But the alternative… It defied every social custom, every ounce of decency and decorum. Every shred of common sense. 

And it wasn’t just him and Shepard. Their team mates would know. Liara. Garrus. 

James. 

It was possible the other two wouldn’t fully comprehend the significance of what was happening, not being fully versed in the nuances of human sexuality. But James would know. James would know that Kaidan had allowed himself to be mated by an alpha. Would know he had submitted to being knotted…

There were few worse degradations for a modern omega. Being knotted by an alpha – particularly willingly – signified a complete loss of control, a relegation to the status of breeding slave, an abandonment of all decency.

But, if what Shepard said was true… it meant being spared 12 hours of the worst torture of his life.

“Fuck…” And if that didn’t sum it all up.

“Something wrong?” Garrus asked, pausing in his ministrations. 

Kaidan peered up at him. Closed his eyes. Took a deep breath. Was he really going to do this? “Change of plan,” he said finally. “I’m going to let Shepard mate me.”


	3. It's Just Beginning

The room was set up well, Kaidan had to admit. Bottles of water, packaged food – protein bars and the like, things that could be gulped down quickly in between frantic bouts of mating. Shepard had dragged a second mattress out of the sleeping quarters and set it beside the first, covering them with soft blankets and had put piles of towels nearby… for what, Kaidan could only imagine. He was a virgin, with only Shepard’s sparse descriptions to go on as he tried to figure out what to expect. 

And now he was going to lose his virginity. To his CO. Commander Shepard.

God help him.

Shepard was down the other end of the compound, warning the others to stay away. When an omega went into heat, it induced a responding heat in nearby alphas. And the chosen alpha became extremely territorial, likely to fight, and if possible, kill, any other person who came within visual range of the pair. 

So the rest of the crew had been banished to the storage room at the far end of the compound. They had taken provisions of food and water with them and were under strict instructions to lock the door, and not to open it for any reason whatsoever for the next 15 hours. 

James had asked him if he was insane. 

And maybe he was. He’d stated, before all three team mates, that he had chosen this of his own free will, and that Shepard was innocent of rape. 

Legally, that would never hold up, but at least he had some witnesses to back Shepard up, if things went wrong. 

God, let things not go wrong…

He got up from where he was sitting on the pad on the floor. Paced. Tried not to think about what he was about to do. Tried not to think about Shepard. 

The man had always been the epitome of control. Whether it was krogan charging him, or volcanoes erupting beneath them, or bullets raining down around them, Shepard had always remained in control of the situation. 

And that, much more than his errant fantasies, was what had convinced Kaidan to go ahead with this. Shepard had been through an omega-heat before. And, if his word was to be trusted, he had remained _in control_ throughout the experience – at least enough to have not hurt the omega too much. Such a thing was… unbelievable.

But if he could stay in control now… then it might be okay. 

Kaidan looked down and saw that his hands were shaking. He stuffed them into his pockets.

And hell, Shepard was an absolutely gorgeous man. He’d seen that body a thousand times, as they suited up for missions, stripping uniforms off to be replaced with armor. Showering in the communal showers. In the old Normandy, at least. In the new one, Shepard got his own shower… and Kaidan had cursed Cerberus for that design flaw…

Solid muscle from head to toe, those piercing blue eyes, those hands, calloused yet gentle… Kaidan glanced down at himself and let out a harsh breath. Yep, he was hard. Not a damned surprise, at this stage. If fantasies about Shepard stroking him were now running through his head, it was a sure sign that the heat was getting its groove on. 

But they had a long way to go yet…

“It’s not too late to change your mind,” Shepard said from the doorway, and even before Kaidan turned around, he had a feeling that yes, it was. Far, far too late. 

Shepard’s breathing had quickened, that impressive erection still present, and Kaidan fought not to stare at it. Shepard was probably self-conscious enough as it was…

“I don’t want to change my mind,” he said honestly. 

“You look terrified,” Shepard countered, taking a step back. But his hands clenched into fists as he did so, and Kaidan knew then that he was already filling the room with pheromones, a neon sign to an available alpha that he was nearly ready to be mated.

“Come in,” Kaidan said softly. “Close the door.”

Shepard did, then seemed surprised by his own actions, and shook his head. “You’re sure about this?” he asked again, and Kaidan nodded. 

“I trust you.” 

Shepard took a steadying breath and looked away. “Not sure that I trust myself. And I really can’t believe you managed to talk me into this,” he griped good-naturedly. 

Kaidan let out a chuckle. “You couldn’t stand to listen to me go through the pain,” he reminded him, and Shepard made a frustrated noise. 

“You did describe it in vivid detail,” he threw back, though there was no heat in the barb. “Seriously, Kaidan. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I don’t want to be hurt,” Kaidan replied honestly. “And this is the best chance I have to make that happen.”

Shepard nodded, then slowly edged further into the room. He tentatively took a seat on the mattress and crossed his legs neatly, staring at the floor.

“Is there anything else you want to know? Before things get… too far along?”

“Actually, yes.” Kaidan had a million questions. A whole year wouldn’t be enough time to ask them all, but one was far more urgent than the rest. “I wanted to ask if you could… I mean, would you…” He flushed red again. It seemed to be becoming a habit. “I don’t want to be knotted.”

Shepard all but chocked at the word. The worst of insults, the lowest of degradations. ‘Knot-slut’, teenage boys called each other, when they wanted to shock their peers. Older males didn’t mention the word, all too aware of the implications – and the consequences – of what was, at its root, merely a biological function. When an alpha climaxed, his penis would swell at the base, locking him to his omega for ten minutes or more. Omegas said the experience was painful and degrading. Alphas said it was paradise. 

But to have been knotted brought unspeakable shame upon an omega. And Kaidan was going to go through enough of that to last a lifetime, without adding to it with a solid knotting…

“That’s… that’s not possible,” Shepard choked out. “Uh…”

“You said you stayed in control,” Kaidan argued, “when you were mating the other omega-“

“I was in control because he submitted,” Shepard bit back. “Look, a few hours in, and you’re going to be begging me to knot you. And no alpha in the world could possibly turn that down.”

“Fuck!” That was something he perhaps had not considered as much as he should have. “But omegas in the breeding centers don’t get knotted-“

“They say they don’t,” Shepard countered. “They lie. For the sake of saving face.”

Kaidan felt dizzy. And nauseous. 

“It’s not painful,” Shepard told him softly, and Kaidan swore at him. 

“How the fuck would you know?”

“Dav… the omega told me. What he actually said about it is… uh… not really repeatable, but he was quite in favor of the experience.”

Kaidan stared at him with undisguised suspicion. 

“Kaidan,” Shepard said, in his most reasonable voice. “You said you trusted me.” Kaidan nodded. There was no one in the galaxy he trusted more. Even given the circumstances. “Then you need to believe that I have your best interests at heart. No matter what happens in the next 12 hours. Things will happen that… that will scare you. That will challenge everything you’ve been taught and that will take you to places you never thought you could go. Trust me. I am not going to hurt you. Do you believe me?”

Kaidan stared at him for a long, long moment. Searched those vivid blue eyes for any sign of deception, for any hint of betrayal… and came up utterly blank.

“I trust you,” he said finally. And strangely, he felt an easing of the tight fear and tension inside him at the admission. He did trust Shepard, he realised. Even despite what was about to happen to them both.

“Then come and sit down.” Shepard patted the mattress next to him. Waited. Stayed silent, when the pause dragged on.

And then Kaidan moved. Took one step forward. Then another. Remembered to keep breathing. Turned his body and lowered it to the floor, feeling the mattress rise up beneath him and accept his weight.

“So,” he said at length, once the room had stopped spinning. Because, heaven help him, Shepard smelled so _good_. “What do I need to know?”

 

Half an hour later, Kaidan was not feeling any less tense. Shepard’s instructions had been explicit, but surprisingly simple. Alphas were possessive. If several were around an omega on heat, they would usually fight for territory, but once dominance was established, their attention turned to the omega. What alphas wanted most, he explained, much to Kaidan’s disbelief, was to be _wanted_ by the omega. Which gave Kaidan unprecedented power over the situation. He could ask Shepard for anything, ask him to do anything, and so long as it didn’t involve any hint of Kaidan rejecting him, Shepard would move heaven and earth to do it. He would bring him food. Bring him water. Alter their position, if Kaidan was uncomfortable. Make the room warmer or cooler, move the bed, fight, maim or kill anyone that Kaidan requested… his other omega had said that the realisation that Shepard was his to command had been… intoxicating. 

So long as he didn’t refuse the sex, Kaidan had pointed out dryly, which had brought a chagrined shrug from Shepard. Can’t rewrite chemistry, he had explained. Which was the root cause behind the violence in the average mating. Controversial as the research had been, Shepard’s omega had theorized that being rejected by an omega in heat sent the alphas a little mad, and force was their only biological recourse. 

So how did he avoid rejecting Shepard, Kaidan had asked. And the answer had been surprisingly simple. Stay near him at all times. And if, as was the case in those rare, coveted pairings, he actually _wanted_ to be mated, _wanted_ to be with the alpha, then wanting to stay close by was a natural outcome.

Of course, the deep-seated fear of violence, the ingrained disgust at being vulnerable made that difficult. But that was the unpopular conclusion his omega had reached, at the successful end of two full heat cycles.

“So stay near you,” Kaidan had summed up the discussion, beat red and forcing the words from his dry throat… this was his _commander_ , for fuck’s sake. Who would be fucking him senseless in a matter of hours. “And encourage you to… pamper me? And that’s it?”

“In a nutshell,” Shepard had agreed, not showing anywhere near the level of embarrassment Kaidan was feeling. And he had to wonder whether it was because he had done this before, or because the pheromones were already kicking in. After all, the chemistry pumping around his own blood stream would have him writhing on the bed and begging like a whore in the not too distant future. Talk about lowering inhibitions…

 

The waiting was the worst, Kaidan concluded, some time later. His body temperature had risen and he had already removed his sweater, despite the chill in the room. But aside from that, and the persistent erections on both him and Shepard, there was little else to indicate that the heat was coming. 

So he waited. Stared at the wall. Counted the tiles on the floor. Recited Alliance regulations. 

Wondered when this whole ordeal would finally be over… 

And then felt his entire body tense up as he realised that Shepard had leaned closer to him and was… sniffing his neck. He didn’t dare move, afraid to move away, Shepard’s dire warnings about not trying to leave still echoing in his head. But he was also afraid to move closer, despite the sudden, raw instinct to do so. Afraid of his own desires, the sneaking suspicion that he just might enjoy this, if he let himself.

But damn it, Shepard was still sniffing his neck. He looked round, managed to meet the man’s eyes, and got a predatory grin in return. 

“You smell good,” Shepard said, startling Kaidan a little. His CO had never, ever spoken with that sultry, husky tone before. 

“Do I?” Kaidan said dryly.

“Mmmm,” Shepard confirmed. “Very good.” He ran his hands over Kaidan’s shoulders, a soft, almost massage that sent shivers down his spine. And then he froze, glaring at Kaidan’s feet. He leaned in close again, his ear right beside Kaidan’s ear.

“How about you take your shoes off,” he said, in a voice which was most definitely not a suggestion.

A part of him wanted to ask why the hell it was suddenly so important that he remove his footwear. It was an absurd instruction – surely asking him to remove his shirt or pants would have been more urgent? 

But another part of him was acutely aware of Shepard’s earlier instructions to submit, to cooperate, to encourage. And so he nodded, not quite able to find his voice. Leant forward and undid the buckles on his combat boots. Yanked them off, and then, seeing Shepard watching him with eager anticipation, removed his socks as well, tucking them neatly inside the boots. And Shepard seemed to be pleased, as he was rewarded with a nibble to his neck and a husky chuckle in his ear. 

And fuck, but he suddenly felt horribly out of control. Like a puppet at Shepard’s command. “How about you take your boots off, too,” he said sharply, before he could think better of it. He fought back a wince, not sure if he had just crossed a line…

But to his surprise, Shepard suddenly pulled back, looking like he had just been chastised for poor conduct. Then he gave Kaidan a slow, seductive smile. Bent his legs up. Removed the boots without taking his eyes off Kaidan’s.

When his feet were bare, he carelessly kicked the boots out of the way, in contrast to Kaidan’s efforts to store his neatly, and then he was kissing Kaidan’s neck, nibbles, licks, teeth tugging on his ear lobe… and oh god, if he wasn’t so tense with the whole situation, that would have felt like bliss.

“Do you want something to drink?” Shepard offered, in that same husky purr, and suddenly all Kaidan could feel was how dry his mouth was. 

“Yeah,” he agreed, and moved to reach for a bottle of water…

And suddenly found himself flat on his back, pinned to the mattress. And as Shepard loomed over him, his expression turned from predatory, to shocked and abashed. “Sorry,” Shepard apologised, removing his hand from where he was holding Kaidan down. “Wow, that’s… um… disorienting.”

“What the fuck just happened?” Kaidan asked, sitting up cautiously. And when Shepard didn’t push him down again, he took a deep breath, trying to calm himself…

“Not entirely sure,” Shepard said. “The, um… the heat comes on gradually. You’ll find yourself having moments that are quite lucid, and others that… just seem like someone else is inhabiting your body, and you’re watching from a distance.”

“And that’s what just happened to you?”

“Yeah.” Perhaps as a distraction, perhaps to simply fulfill his need to provide, Shepard retrieved a bottle of water from where their supplies sat by the wall, and handed it to Kaidan. “Here.”

Kaidan took the water, but didn’t drink. “But… you offered me the water in the first place. But when I went to get it, you… went all cave-man.”

Shepard thought about that. And, if the glazed look in his eyes was anything to go by, he was having a hard time processing the question. “Stay on the bed,” he said finally. “I can get water for you, but… you shouldn’t leave.”

Okay, so apparently, walking across the room to get water constituted leaving. Mental note not to do that again. And was it his imagination… or had Shepard’s blue eyes just turned golden for a moment?

“You’re starting to go into heat, aren’t you?” Kaidan asked, unable to help the fear in his voice. He had assumed that Shepard would maintain some self control throughout this. But if an alpha heat was anything like an omega heat, they would both be out of their minds with lust… and if that was the case, who the hell would be driving this flying circus?

Shepard looked back at him, eyes not entirely focused. “Tell me you want to stay,” he said, in a voice that was utterly unrecognizable.


	4. Reassessing the Situation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, so… We're at chapter 4 and no actual sex has happened yet. This is just becoming really, really, really drawn out. Um… that’s not how a PWP is supposed to go, is it… Oops.

“I want to stay,” Kaidan answered automatically. Everyone knew that you didn’t argue with the crazy person in the room. “Of course I want to stay.” Keeping an eye on Shepard, he opened the bottle and drank deeply, not sure when he would get another chance. And Shepard watched him like a hawk as he replaced the lid and set the bottle aside.

And then Shepard stalked towards him on his hands and knees, a crooked smile playing at his lips. “Lie down,” he instructed, his voice a smooth purr, and Kaidan let out a nervous chuckle. And then the laughter died as Shepard’s eyes flashed to amber once again.

“Aren’t we a little overdressed for that?” They were both still wearing their uniforms, absent the boots, and he was starting to feel more than a little warm… and uncomfortably confined in his pants. Not that he was in a hurry to get undressed, he reminded himself sharply. 

“No,” Shepard replied, and gently pushed Kaidan back onto the mattress. Crawled up his body, inhaling his scent as he went. And Kaidan felt an answering spurt of dampness in his back passage. Shepard must have been able to smell it, as he meet Kaidan’s eyes knowingly, and the smile deepened. 

And then he did something that utterly shocked him.

Shepard leaned forward, hand resting lightly on his chest… and kissed him. It was a soft, tender meeting of their lips, and it was the tenderness that rattled him. Shepard was… kissing him. Wrapping his head around the sex had been hard, but it was a relatively simple thing to imagine sex from a clinical distance. A series of biological functions that required a partner. But kissing was… personal. 

Shepard licked his lips. “Mmmm. You taste good.” And then he kissed him again. Kaidan felt wet lips over his own, heat and Shepard’s scent… and then Shepard’s mouth opened and his tongue slid into Kaidan’s mouth, and Kaidan found himself trying to retreat backwards… except that the mattress and the floor didn’t really give him much leeway. His hands came up to Shepard’s shoulders, as he thought to push him away… and stalled, as he dimly remembered that he wasn’t supposed to do that.

But god, his head was spinning, he desperately needed a minute to get his thoughts together, and he needed a distraction, something to get Shepard to do that would keep him occupied for a little while. But he’d had water. He didn’t want food. He wasn’t too warm or too cool…

Hoping he was a good enough actor, he suddenly tensed, pulled away from Shepard and snapped his head around to look out the door. “I just heard something,” he said, his voice serious and alert.

Instantly Shepard’s head snapped up and he bared his teeth… and sure enough, his canines had elongated. Not a lot, not enough to make him look like a werewolf or anything, but Kaidan had heard that an alpha’s teeth protruded more during a heat. It was startling to see it in person.

“Stay here,” Shepard growled, then he got up and grabbed his gun. Stalked to the door. Opened it, with gun raised, and scanned the room. Glanced back at Kaidan. “Stay,” he repeated, then stepped outside to investigate. 

Well, that was a handy trick, Kaidan thought, as he sat up and made good use of the brief reprieve. But certainly not a ploy he could get away with too often. He rubbed his face, trying to clear the mental fog, and forced himself to breath slowly and deeply. Okay, so clearly, when Shepard had described the mating as ‘intense’, he hadn’t just meant physically. There were some serious emotions being drawn out here, and Kaidan mentally braced himself for 12 hours of profound intimacy. Desire. Fear. Lust. Longing. Already, he could feel a change in himself, a vague but insistent anxiety that came from being away from Shepard for too long… and shit, he was coming back, wasn’t he? He wouldn’t leave him here…

And then suddenly, Shepard appeared in the doorway again. Closed the panel. Locked it. “Room’s clear,” he said, stowing his gun safely. 

“Terrific,” Kaidan said, annoyed at his own relief at having his alpha back. 

Wait… _his_ alpha? His gaze lingered on Shepard’s back, his ass as he bent over… and another jolt of dampness pulsed between his legs, as his erection gave an answering twitch.

Shepard sat down again beside him, reaching out immediately to run his hands up Kaidan’s torso. “Take your shirt off,” he murmured, and, with only the slightest hesitation, Kaidan did. And then Shepard’s hands were on his skin, running light trails up, over his nipples, back down his sides. And all the time, Shepard was smelling him. Tasting his neck. And suddenly, Kaidan wanted to feel Shepard’s skin against his own. 

Now.

“Get undressed,” he demanded, already tugging the fabric up and over his shoulders. Shepard ripped the shirt over his head and tossed it away, and when he turned back, his eyes had changed, streaks of gold weaving through the blue. Soon, Kaidan knew, they would be fully golden. As would his own.

Shepard slid around behind him, wrapping his arms around Kaidan’s chest, their bodies pressed together, Shepard’s erection obvious as it pressed into Kaidan’s back. “Mmm… you feel good,” Shepard murmured into his ear, and Kaidan reminded himself to relax. Tried not to think about the mechanics of the mating. Tried not to think about the… knotting…

“Let me take your pants off,” Shepard said next, and with a soft kiss to his lips, he pressed Kaidan down onto his back. 

It had been years, decades even, since anyone but himself had taken his pants off, and Kaidan felt both ashamed and aroused at the experience. He lay back and closed his eyes, not sure whether he wanted to savor the feeling… or block it out.

Shepard’s hands were deft, the chink of his belt buckle an almost musical accompaniment to the rasp of his breathing, and then he felt his underwear being removed along with the pants, and Shepard’s fingers trailing down his bare skin…

Shepard’s hands ran back up his legs, curved around to the inside of his thighs… and thank god his pants were off now, because his throbbing erection would be uncomfortable as hell if it was still confined…

He dared to open his eyes and glance down… and yeah, Shepard was still all in his pants. And that bulge in the front of them was looking mighty painful…

“Um… you could… Aah!” His words were cut off as Shepard wrapped his hand around Kaidan’s cock, hormones making his skin more sensitive than usual. “Oh, fuck… ugnh…” Shepard stroked him from base to tip, sending electric sparks through his groin. And holy fucking hell, he was having his cock stroked by his commanding officer. The Commander of the Normandy. This was officially the weirdest day of his entire life.

“I could what?” Shepard prompted him, and Kaidan tried to get his brain to stop resembling jello and start working again. What had he been going to say? He glanced down again, seeing Shepard’s golden eyes, his large fist engulfing his cock… it was something to do with that, wasn’t it?

“I want to see you naked,” he blurted out, and then cursed as he realised that was nothing like what he had been going to say. A demure suggestion that Shepard might be more comfortable without his pants on had been what he was aiming for.

And then, as Shepard made short work of his pants, Kaidan thought that maybe he should have let him leave them on. 

Alphas were known for the size of their *ahem* equipment. And seeing the bulge through his pants had given him some warning. But the thing that was now sticking out, proud and swollen in front of him was… huge. 

Kaidan’s own cock was a reasonable size… or so he had always thought, considering that he was an omega. Omegas – and betas, for that matter – didn’t need much in that department, and 4 inches was considered more than adequate. 

How the hell was he supposed to fit that up his ass?

And then, as Shepard moved towards him again, Kaidan felt a cold thrill of fear. Maybe… maybe this had been a really bad idea, after all…

But Shepard was no idiot, despite the mating haze, and he picked up on Kaidan’s change of mood instantly… as well as tracking the direction of his gaze. He tilted his head almost quizzically. 

“You’ve never seen one of these before, have you?” he asked, indicating his own cock, and Kaidan shook his head numbly, fists gripping the mattress to try and stop the urge to crawl away, run, hide, submission be damned…

But god bless the man, Shepard merely sat back on his heels and let Kaidan take a good, long look. “Give me your hand,” he said finally, reaching out with his own.

“What?”

“Give me your hand,” Shepard repeated patiently. “Touch me. Just let yourself get used to it.”

Touch him? Just reach between his CO’s legs and stroke him like he was learning the weight and balance of a new gun… This was madness. Utter madness.

But there weren’t many other options right now, and his body knew what it wanted, even if his mind didn’t, his ass all but dripping lubrication now. He felt wet inside, a strange, though not entirely unpleasant feeling… and he cautiously rose onto his knees and edged towards Shepard. Held out his hand… and noticed that it was shaking as Shepard led him to wrap it around his erection.

And Shepard hissed through his teeth and let his head fall back, guiding Kaidan to stroke him, up to the tip, down to the base, up again, with a little more pressure at the head…

“Fuck, that feels good…” Suddenly, his eyes snapped open and his gaze fixed on Kaidan, his eyes piercing. “Do you need me yet?”

Kaidan didn’t have a clue what he was talking about. “What?”

“How do you feel?” The question was more urgent than made sense, and Kaidan shrugged, feeling like he was missing something important here. 

“Fine. Hot, I guess. Nervous.” That earned him a bashful grin. 

“I’m going to take good care of you,” Shepard promised. And then, holy shit, he just leaned forward and slid his hand around Kaidan’s ass and stuck a finger inside his opening. Kaidan yelped and would have jerked away, had Shepard not anticipated the movement and snaked his other arm around Kaidan’s waist, pulling their bodies together… Which brought their erections into direct contact with each other. And Kaidan grabbed onto Shepard’s shoulders to stop himself overbalancing as he felt like his senses were being overloaded. Gentle, teasing fingers probed his ass, hot skin pressed slick against his own, and the smell… god, the smell of him was just heavenly…

“How does this feel?” Shepard asked, pressing one fingertip deeper.

“Um… odd,” Kaidan tried to formulate words. “Uh… not bad, I guess…”

“Does it ache?”

It seemed an odd question. “No…”

To his _almost_ disappointment, Shepard made a satisfied noise, and removed his hand. Sat back. Looked almost bored as he regarded Kaidan, kneeling there, hot, aroused and shaking. “You’re not quite ready yet.”

Oh, he felt more than ready, thank you very much, and Kaidan eyed that monster erection again, feeling his ass throb in anticipation of it pushing into him, stretching him   
wide… Oh hell, was he really thinking that?

Disorienting, Shepard had called the transition into the heat, the mind not quite able to keep up with the body, and damn if that wasn’t the perfect description. 

“Are you warm enough?” Shepard asked, and Kaidan nodded. 

“Fine,” he replied. Shepard’s eyes were fully golden now, his gaze never leaving Kaidan, and he felt like a mouse about to be devoured by a hawk.

And damn it, why wasn’t Shepard touching him?

He shifted forward, a tentative, abortive movement, and Shepard moved to meet him halfway. With much more confidence that Kaidan was feeling. 

“What is it?” he asked, ready at a moment’s notice to do whatever Kaidan asked…

“I just wanted… um…” What did he want, exactly? Affection, came the strange, echoing reply in his head. Warmth. Touch. And then his gaze fixed onto Shepard’s lips. “Could you kiss me again?” he asked uncertainly. 

Shepard’s expression instantly heated up. “I didn’t think you’d liked that, last time,” he observed, shifting closer, inadvertently reminding Kaidan that they were both utterly naked. And yes, Kaidan had pulled away the last time Shepard had kissed him. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t try again.

Shepard leaned in… but instead of closing the distance between them, he stopped, a few inches from Kaidan, a sly smirk on his lips. And then he waited.

And it took Kaidan a moment to figure out what he wanted. It was a cunning, sneaky trick, and one that Kaidan was helpless to deny. He closed the gap himself and pressed his lips to Shepard’s, aware that Shepard had done it deliberately to put Kaidan in control. And to make him admit his desire.

Kaidan wasn’t terribly experienced at kissing, but he was a fast learner, following Shepard’s lead, allowing Shepard to suck his tongue into his mouth, then returning the favor…

He was so caught up in the unique sensations that he almost missed the first ripple of discomfort that coursed through his belly. Just shifted position. Wrapped his arms around Shepard’s shoulders and kissed him again.

The second wave was harder to ignore. Kaidan flinched, made a brief noise of complaint… and then the pain was gone again. 

But Shepard had noticed, this time. “What is it?”

“Nothing. Just a cramp, or something.” Kaidan tried to kiss Shepard again, but the alpha was having none of it. 

“You’re in pain?”

Kaidan shook his head. “Hardly. It was just a quick flash.”

“You need me inside you,” Shepard informed him flatly. “Your heat is starting.”

“What? My heat’s been starting for hours. What are you talking about-“ Kaidan was cut off as a searing pain shot through his lower abdomen. He doubled over, clutching his middle. “Fuck!” He tried to breath through it, air hissing through his gritted teeth, dimly aware of Shepard tugging him over, fully onto the mattress, and he tried to bat the other man away. The wave passed, and Kaidan gasped for air. “What the hell?”

“You need to lie down. You need me inside you. Now,” Shepard said, the order clear and urgent. But Kaidan had bigger problems to worry about. He could feel the next wave of pain building, a strange, gripping, rippling sensation inside him like nothing he’d ever felt before. Felt Shepard’s hand on his back, trying to push him down.

But he pushed back, shoved Shepard away. Fucking hell, this was agony! He cried out as the next wave hit, feeling like someone had taken a blow torch to his insides.

And then, with a growl, Shepard tackled him hard, both their bodies thumping down onto the mattress. Yanked his arms out from under him and thrust his whole weight down on Kaidan’s back, between the shoulder blades. 

Kaidan felt hot breath next to his ear, then Shepard’s rough, growling voice. “You are mine.”


	5. Making Mistakes

Kaidan turned his head, half his face being smushed into the mattress as Shepard fought to hold him down. But the pain inside him was growing, and Shepard needed to understand that something was _wrong_ , something was happening inside him that shouldn’t be, and shoving his cock up his ass was only going to make the gnawing ache so much worse, and fuck, it was really hurting now…

Somehow, Shepard had managed to wrench his legs apart, when Kaidan just wanted to curl into a ball, and he felt spread wide, exposed and vulnerable, and knew without a shadow of a doubt that this had been a terrible, terrible mistake. And then he felt the tip of Shepard’s enormous cock pressing into his body, and he cried out, begging Shepard not to hurt him, pleading that he stop…

And then he was being _stretched_ , a wet, tight, stinging sensation as his body was forced to accommodate something way too large, and it felt like the Mako was being driven up his ass, and then…

Shepard’s weight pinning him to the mattress, Kaidan panted for breath… and realised that the agonizing pain had vanished as quickly as it had arrived. 

“Alright?” Shepard asked, concerned, and Kaidan could barely manage a nod. Shepard shifted his body a little, and Kaidan felt that massive erection shift inside of him, and oh, _fuuuuuuck_ that was nice… but also terrifying, as he got a mental picture of what was doing with his body right at that moment. 

“Just take it easy. Your body’s designed for this, but it takes a moment to get used to.” Shepard’s voice in his ear was calm and firm, reliable, dependable, and Kaidan panted, trying to stay still, trying to figure out what the hell had just happened. And damn the man for being so fucking calm. He hadn’t just had a shuttle parked in his back end.

Kaidan felt his passage clamp down on the cock now firmly inside it, and felt a rippling sensation go through him. 

“That hurt,” he finally managed to say, as Shepard lifted some of his weight off him to rest on his elbows.

“That’s how it feels if you don’t get mated,” Shepard explained, sounding slightly breathless himself. “Only, I imagine, it gets worse as time goes on. My other omega really wasn’t interested in finding out about that bit.”

“I really don’t want to hear about your other omega,” Kaidan snapped, a wave of jealousy threatening to choke him, and he gave a tentative wriggle of his body. Yep, Shepard still felt huge and solid up inside him… but he had to admit that the invasion didn’t _hurt_ , as such. Actually, it felt… rather good. Full. Satisfying. Even if his mind hadn’t quite processed what was happening yet.

Shepard chuckled in his ear. “You like that?” he asked. 

Might as well admit it. “It’s not bad. Feels kind of tingly now.”

Another chuckle. “Then let’s try something else…” 

Before he could ask what that something else would be, Shepard had slid himself halfway out of Kaidan, before pushing firmly back in.

“Aaaahh!! Fuck!” God, it was like velvet rubbing over raw nerves, a slick, satin scrape that sent electric shocks shooting up his spine and down his legs. His cock rubbed against the blanket with the movement, and Kaidan was instantly reduced to a melted puddle of lust-filled goo. 

“Good?” Shepard asked again, and Kaidan felt like punching the smug bastard. But only if he would never, ever stop doing that… 

“Do that again,” he said breathlessly, and Shepard did, causing Kaidan’s fists to grip the blanket like a lifeline.

“Oh, hey, we’re going to need a towel,” Shepard said suddenly, his voice losing all the silk and huskiness for a moment. “I’m going to have to pull out for a second, okay?”

“Is that going to hurt? What do we need a fucking towel for?”

“You’ll see. And I’ll be quick about it. Hang on…” As quick as his word, Shepard pulled himself smoothly out, then tugged Kaidan onto his hands and knees. He grabbed a towel from the stack beside the bed and spread it out beneath Kaidan’s body, then for good measure grabbed a second, and a third, and did the same.

“Lie down,” he said, just as Kaidan felt an aching ripple run through him. 

“Shepard, I-“

“Lie down!” 

Kaidan did, already tensing for the next wave of pain… and then Shepard was pushing back inside him, slick and hot and large…

“Okay?” Shepard asked a minute later, once they had both caught their breath. 

“Yeah. This is good.” 

They lay there for a few minutes, Shepard idling stroking Kaidan’s back and neck, Kaidan trying to get used to the unfamiliar sensations playing havoc with his body…

“Is this it?” he asked at length. “Is this all there is to the mating?” He craned his neck around to look at Shepard. “I mean, you’re in alpha heat now, and having you inside me stops the pain, so…”

Shepard made a sound that seeming like he was trying not to laugh. 

“What?” Kaidan asked, affronted. 

“This is only just the beginning,” Shepard told him. “Your hormones haven’t really kicked in yet.” He gave a lazy thrust of his hips, making Kaidan moan and push his ass up against him. “The ride gets a lot wilder, believe me.”

“Does it get easier? Mentally, I mean,” Kaidan asked. “Because you said I would be begging for it, but right now, I’m still trying to convince myself that I want to go through with-“

Suddenly he was pinned to the mattress again, Shepard’s teeth… Teeth?!... Yes, that was definitely a bite he could feel on the back of his neck, a low growl coming from the alpha. Kaidan tried to lie still, unsure what had brought on this sudden mood…

“You cannot leave,” Shepard growled, when he finally released the bite, punctuating the statement with a sharp thrust of his hips. Oh. Okay, so expressing doubts about this was a no-go. He felt Shepard’s fingers digging into his neck, and frantically tried to figure out how to calm his suddenly fiery alpha.

An alpha wanted to be wanted, Shepard had said. He would be willing to do anything Kaidan wanted, so long as he felt sure that the mating was going ahead. That Kaidan was safe, and his, and staying right there with him.

Okay, he could work with that.

“I’m staying right here,” Kaidan said, trying hard to sound calm. Soothing. “I want to feel you inside me.” He reached back, managing to stroke Shepard’s hip despite the awkward angle. “I want you right here.”

And then the pressure on his neck eased, and Shepard was pressing kisses to the spot instead. “I need you,” he said, his voice sounding strained, and Kaidan wondered how much Shepard was actually aware of what he was doing right now, and how much of it was a pheromone-induced haze.

“I need you here, too, babe,” Kaidan rambled, relieved that Shepard seemed to be calming down, and he gave another wriggle of his hips. “Do that thrusting thing again.”

Shepard obliged. And again. And the third time, he hit something inside Kaidan that set of a miniature fireworks explosion through his groin. It wasn’t an orgasm… at least, Kaidan didn’t think so. He’d heard that heat-induced orgasms were out of this world… but it was definitely a notch up from the ordinary slick rasp of Shepard’s cock inside him, and he moaned in approval.

And then he felt a wave of something else… electric heat and wet slickness, as his body upped the ante on the lubrication, and a bursting tightness through his groin. He let out another moan, a gasping, almost desperate sound, feeling his ass tightened reflexively around Shepard.

“You alright?” his alpha asked, and suddenly, nothing else mattered but getting Shepard as far up inside him as possible, as often as possible, and he bucked his hips under Shepard’s weight. 

“Fuck me,” he demanded, trying to force Shepard to move. “Fuck, please… I need… I need you…”

Fortunately, Shepard was quick to get with the program. He pulled himself up onto his arms, letting his hips swing more freely, thrusting in, sliding out, a delicious slapping sound as his hips met the flesh of Kaidan’s ass, and Kaidan kept pleading for more, faster, deeper… 

And then he was coming, he entire body gripped with bursting lightning as he bucked and convulsed and felt himself clenching so deliciously around Shepard’s cock, and he wanted to keep being fucked forever, and he told Shepard that, and told him that he needed him, and begged him to never leave…

Kaidan slowly came back to himself, aware of a wet patch on the towel beneath him, and of the comforting weight of Shepard, still deep inside him, still pressing down over his back and hips…

And holy shit, he had just begged Shepard to fuck his brains out.

And far from leaving him relaxed and satisfied, the orgasm had just fired him up for another round. 

But now that his brain was back in control, he suddenly didn’t know what to think of that. Didn’t know how to react… and he felt a tremor run through his body.

With a gentle kiss to the back of his neck, Shepard pulled out of him, and Kaidan made a sound of protest, worried the pain would return full force…

“It’s okay,” Shepard said, tugging Kaidan around to sit up. “You’ll be fine for a little while. And I’m right here when you need me again.”

“But didn’t you just…” He glanced at Shepard’s erection, seeing it as stiff and swollen as it had ever been. Surely alphas needed some recovery time? Didn’t they?

“I didn’t,” Shepard said, and Kaidan felt another blush coming on. 

“Why not?” Had he done something wrong? Shepard had told him all about what an alpha did during sex, but he hadn’t thought to ask what an omega was supposed to do. Aside from lie there and let the alpha have his way. What if he had done it wrong?

“If an alpha climaxes, his knot inflates.” Shepard sure had a way with being blunt. “I didn’t think you needed that right now. One thing at a time, okay?” As if sensing how off balance and vulnerable Kaidan was feeling, Shepard pulled him into a hug, wrapping his arms around him. And damn if it wasn’t the best feeling in the world. Kaidan snuggled closer, suddenly cold, and craving the warmth of another body. 

“So?” Shepard asked. “How was it?”

“A lot better than I thought it would be,” he replied, without thinking, and then winced. “Sorry, that sounded bad,” he apologised immediately, ever-mindful of calling out Shepard’s possessive side. “I meant that as a compliment.”

But Shepard merely laughed, and Kaidan gave him a suspicious, sideways glance… and then he sat up in alarm.

“Your eyes are blue,” he said, startled. But Shepard merely shrugged. 

“It comes and goes. We’ve only been here for about two hours. Further in, the heat will become constant. But for now, we get a little breather every now and then.” He ran his gaze over Kaidan shrewdly. “Are you hungry? Thirsty?”

“I’m fine.”

He nodded, and they lapsed into silence.

“You said that some alphas had… preferences,” Kaidan said after a while. If they were going to sit here, he might as well get some information in the process. “Like what position they like?”

Shepard nodded. “Yeah. And you’ll have noticed what mine is. You face down, me on top of you.” It was said amicably, and this time, Kaidan’s body seemed to have decided that it had done enough blushing for the day. 

“Would we be able to try something else?” Kaidan asked.

“Yeah. What did you have in mind?”

“I’d like… It might help if I could see you. Um, so… I guess I’d like to be on my back instead.”

He had expected a discussion about it, but Shepard merely nodded. “Sure.” Then he glanced around. “Do you want a pillow, or something? It might be more comfortable…”

Without waiting for an answer, Shepard got up and started rooting through one of the supply closets. No luck… Not that Kaidan thought they’d just leave a spare pillow lying around… Shepard went to another cupboard… then, as luck would have it, Kaidan spotted a cushion, over on one of the seats by the desk. 

“Found a cushion,” he called to Shepard, and hopped up, intending to grab the item-

The floor hit him like a freight train, and he dimly registered Shepard’s teeth in the back of his neck as his arm was twisted back and his face pressed against the cold tile floor.

And then that voice again, right beside his ear, equal parts husky desire and silky threat. “Where are you going?”

Oh fuck. For that one moment, he’d forgotten the rules about not leaving…

“I just wanted to get the cushion-“ The grip on his arm tightened. Okay, wrong answer. “I’m not going anywhere,” he said, trying to keep his voice light. “I’m staying right here.”

“You belong in bed,” Shepard informed him, the threat bleeding through a little more.

“Um… yes. Absolutely.” Hopefully unquestioning agreement might get him a little slack…

And then Shepard was sniffing him again, grinding his erection against Kaidan’s ass. “You smell so fucking good…”

The grip on his arm hadn’t eased up. “You smell good, too,” Kaidan tried. “And you feel fantastic, your skin against mine.” 

“Oh?” The grip loosened, but didn’t let go entirely. Okay, so apparently seduction was the route to pick. But heaven help him, Kaidan had never tried to seduce anyone in his life.

“Yeah,” he went on, mind racing for his next line. “I loved kissing you. Could we do that some more?”

He found himself flipped over suddenly, Shepard looming over him, his eyes shimmering gold, his expression predatory. And on a whim, Kaidan leaned up, grabbed the back of Shepard’s head and kissed the living daylights out of him. 

He felt his legs being parted and Shepard grinding their cocks together, and within moments, his erection had returned. Shepard left his mouth to plant open-mouthed kisses down his neck, over his collar bone, and then his hand stole down to stroke his cock.

And Kaidan was all too aware of the cold tiles, hard against his back and hips and head…

“This would be more comfortable on the bed,” he suggested lightly. But Shepard seemed to completely ignore him. The hand on his cock tightened, then crept lower, to stroke his entrance again. Fuck… Shepard had said that alphas were supposed to respond to an omega’s requests. And he really, really didn’t want to have sex on the tiles…

How had he gotten Shepard to do what he wanted before? He thought back… and realised that whenever he had made a firm demand, Shepard had responded immediately. Okay, so here goes nothing, he thought darkly. At worst, it would get him mashed into the floor again…

He grabbed Shepard’s head and yanked him up, making eye contact and holding the gaze. “I want to go back to the bed,” he said firmly.

And, to his amazement, Shepard nodded. He stood up and held out his hand to Kaidan. Hauled him upright and then pulled him flush against Shepard’s body. And holy hell, had Kaidan ever noticed just how solidly Shepard was built? He was six feet of pure muscle, raw lust making him tense, defining each and every curve of that glorious body…

But time was running out, and Kaidan wanted to get back to the bed, and hopefully get his cushion, before his body started up with the pain and lust again.

“Bed!” he commanded, giving Shepard a nudge in that direction, and several slow, halting steps later, they were back at the mattress. Kaidan knelt down on top of it, tugging Shepard down to kiss him… and then glanced over at the coveted cushion. “And I want my cushion,” he demanded, sounding almost petulant to his own ears.

Shepard chuckled, but it was nothing like the easy going sound he had make earlier. “Fussy omega,” he chided, an edge to his voice. And then that hint of a threat crept into his eyes as well.

Submit, Kaidan reminded himself. Cooperate. Obey. “I’m staying right here,” he assured Shepard, who looked only slightly mollified by the news. Not taking his eyes off Kaidan, he edged over to the desk, snagged the cushion and stalked back.

“Lie down,” he ordered. 

But Kaidan was learning this game, now. Learning the rules. Learning how to manipulate them to his advantage. He did lie down, but not quickly, not neatly and timidly, like he would have done an hour ago. Instead, he settled onto his knees. Leaned back. Ran a hand down his own chest… over his abdomen… just brushing the edge of his erection. Fell back onto his elbows, knees parted…

And what do you know… Shepard followed him down, graceful as a panther, crawled up his body and gently lifted his head to tuck the cushion underneath.

And then rewarded Kaidan with a gentle kiss. “Are you okay?” he asked softly. 

“Doing great-“ Searing pain cut off Kaidan’s reply, and knowing what it was this time, he urgently parted his legs, tugging Shepard forward to kneel between them. Shepard lifted his hips and thrust inside him, the size of him still making Kaidan wince… but then he let out a sigh of relief.

“Mmmm…”

“Soon, me just being inside you won’t be enough,” Shepard told him, rocking his hips gently. “You’ll need to be knotted. It’s the only way to control the pain.

And as much as he was trying to accept that, trying to cooperate, the thought still filled Kaidan with dread. “Not yet,” he asked weakly. “Please… just give me a little more time…”

Shepard swore, but there was no threat in his voice. “Kaidan…”

“Fuck me,” he encouraged, shifting his hips, and Shepard helplessly did, no doubt driven almost out of his mind by now… he’d had no relief from his urgent need to mate yet, had denied himself an orgasm to make sure Kaidan was comfortable… and here Kaidan was, asking for more. He didn’t mean to make it harder for Shepard. He was just terrified, images from the vids playing through his mind of omegas who’d had their bowels ripped out from an overzealous mating…

He tried to lose himself in the rhythm and the pleasure of the sex, watching Shepard’s face, peering down to where their bodies were joined… and shit, didn’t he feel self-conscious as hell, lying there with his legs spread, his body rocking back and forth with Shepard’s thrusts… It almost made him long for the mindless haze he’d experienced before, his body taken over by some other force. But as Shepard’s thrusts became harder and deeper, he felt his body responding, gave himself up to the growing tightness in his groin, the sparks that were shivering up his spine, trying to ignite a much deeper fire… until one of the sparks caught, and Kaidan arched up off the mattress, shooting his release all over his own stomach, body jerking with each pulse.

And when it was over, he looked down… and saw Shepard, neck straining, face tight, looking like he was in pain.

“I’m going to come,” he ground out, trying to hold his body still. “Let me do it in you?” It was a request, a plea, and Kaidan’s mind raced. He didn’t want to make Shepard suffer any more, but… 

“Don’t. Please don’t,” he heard himself say, and Shepard swore blackly. And then… and then he pulled out… wrapped his hand around himself and jerked twice… and then his head was thrown back, and Kaidan felt warm liquid spurting all over his thighs. 

And then heard a groan of pain, a growling sound of frustration and aggression, unlike anything he had heard before. He sat up… and saw Shepard gripping the base of his own cock as tight as he could, face red, body tense, teeth gritted.

Tentatively, Kaidan reached for him. “Shepard…?”

“Fuck,” came the reply, and it didn’t take a genius to figure out what was happening. In a normal mating, the omega’s body applied significant pressure to the knot. Without being inside an omega, there was nothing to counter the swelling… and from the looks of it, the result was extremely painful.

“Shit… I’m sorry,” he apologised, feeling useless. Rubbed Shepard’s shoulder, wishing he could do something that would help. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know…”

Shepard leaned his head down on Kaidan’s shoulder, breathing hard, hands still wrapped around his cock. And long minutes later, he seemed to relax a little. Sat up. Dared to look down at the mess between his hands.

The knot looked uncomfortable, red, misshapen, with purple patches where Shepard’s pulse could be seen throbbing. And considering that this was the first time he had ever seen one, Kaidan was amazed at how calm he felt. It was huge – if he had thought Shepard’s cock was big, it was nothing compared to the width of the knot, but in some odd way, being able to see it before it was inside him actually helped.

“I’m sorry,” he apologised again, but Shepard waved him off. 

“It’s okay,” he said, his voice rough. “Didn’t want to hurt you.”

“So you let me hurt you?”

And god bless the man, but Shepard shrugged. “I’d prefer that I get hurt than you do.”

“How long does it take to go down?” Kaidan was unable to take his eyes off the thing. That was going to be inside him…

“Under normal circumstances, about ten minutes. This way,” Shepard nodded ruefully at his knot, “maybe a bit longer.”

“Can I…” Was he really about to ask this? “Can I touch it?”

“I’d really rather you didn’t,” Shepard said sharply, then winced. “Sorry. It’s just… tender right now.”

Kaidan nodded, and sat back. Realised that he was still covered with his own fluids, and Shepard’s, and reached for one of the towels to wipe himself off. So, that’s what they were for. He eyed the stack. There were a lot of towels, right there. Were they really going to need that many? Shepard certainly seemed to think so… and since he was the only one who had been through this before…

Kaidan felt a faint thread of discomfort inside himself and shifted uneasily. “I think the next bout is starting up again,” he said, glancing over at Shepard. But he felt a sinking sensation as the other man’s eyes widened in alarm. 

“Already?”

“Um… is that bad?”

Shepard glanced down at himself. His knot was still mostly inflated, red and angry looking. “I can’t get inside you right now,” he pointed out, right at the same time as Kaidan figured that out for himself. 

“Oh, shit... um… is there anything I can do to delay it?” It was a long shot, but maybe…

“No,” Shepard said, killing that thread of hope. “Fuck!”

And then Kaidan felt something else, a wave of heat, a sudden slickness between his ass cheeks. It seemed both waves were coming at the same time now, his body’s relentless demands, and his hormones messing with his mind. He eyed Shepard’s cock, suddenly craving the feel of it deep inside him again… even as the sane part of his mind looked on from a distance, and knew that this was going to be a complete and utter disaster…


	6. Pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: this chapter is disturbing. Graphic violence, torture, pain, violent sex which is technically consensual, but only just. It’s ugly, folks. I take no further responsibility for anyone who is traumatised by reading this.

At the far end of the base, Liara leant against the wall, fiddling with a data pad. They had found it amongst the abandoned supplies in the base, and Liara had discovered a wealth of information on it about the planet they were on. Past reports on the weather. Details on the ammonia-based bacteria that lived around the thermal vents. Geological reports. It wasn’t the most fascinating read ever, but it kept her mind adequately occupied for the long, dull hours. And bits of it were actually quite interesting.

They’d been waiting for about three hours since they’d been banished to this room, maybe a little more, and so far it had been… quiet. Garrus was polishing his armor. James was playing with a deck of cards, having been unable to entice either her or Garrus into a game of poker. And if she got bored with the science reports, there was a human novel on one of the other data pads. It might be a good way to learn about some human customs, at the very least.

Shepard’s dire warnings not to leave the room had been backed up by James’s wide-eyed apprehension, but so far, Liara had seen little cause for the apparent alarm in both humans. Okay, she understood that Shepard was likely to harm them if they got in the way of the mating, but surely none of them was stupid enough to go poking around, once the warning was given? But James had all but barricaded the door, encrypting the lock himself, unwilling to let either Garrus or Liara have access to the code. And in addition to the water, the food, and blankets, Shepard had insisted they be equipped with… ear muffs. 

It made no sense to her. So far, they hadn’t heard so much as a peep out of the pair. And, if her understanding of human biology was correct, Kaidan’s heat should be well underway by now.

Personally, she didn’t understand the need for so much embarrassment and skirting around what was, quite simply, a normal biological function. The salarians were quite public about their sex lives – or more accurately, their reproductive lives, as ‘sex’, in the conventional sense didn’t quite apply to them. The turians were more private about it, but not unnecessarily shy. But humans seemed… almost paranoid. Secretive. Shy. Defensive.

And then, through the thick walls, she thought she heard something. A muffled sounds, almost like a voice. She turned her head to listen… but the sound was gone. And then another came. A thump. A voice shouting… And then a muffled scream. A pause. A fainter sound, maybe a moan. Then another scream. Liara got up and went to the door… and found her way blocked by James. 

“No way,” he told her flatly. “We stay here.”

“I’m just… listening,” she replied, and stepped closer to the door. The sounds were coming more frequently now, louder, more intense. And Garrus had taken notice too, setting his armor down, taking a step towards the door.

And with a start, Liara realised that she recognised the voice, muffled as it was though the walls. 

It was Kaidan. It was Kaidan screaming. 

“What the hell?” she asked, turning to James. He was tense, his hands shaking, but he held his ground. 

“We stay here,” he repeated. 

And then another scream came, plainly a cry of pain. And words. Words that set her heart racing, her mind sent into a panic.

“Shepard… Stop! Oh, god, please, stop… Shepard… Please!” The screams were almost constant now, broken by pleading sobs of agony, and Liara turned to James in horror. 

“What the hell is he doing to him?”

“It sounds like pure torture,” Garrus put in. “Surely that’s not normal?”

James’s face was white, fear and loathing written all over him. Regret thick in his voice, he said, “There’s nothing you can do to help him. God forgive me… but we stay here.”

 

At the far end of the base, Shepard cursed loudly as he struggled to hold Kaidan down. He was all but convulsing, and he’d already hit his head hard on the floor, blood welling up from the wound and painting the white tiles red. Somehow Shepard had manhandled him back onto the mattress and he was trying to stay calm, trying to keep a clear head as Kaidan begged him to make the pain stop. But the mating scent was thick in the air, and it was all Shepard could do to stop himself from forcing his still-swollen knot inside Kaidan’s writhing body, ripping him open in the process. 

Listening to his omega scream was a form of torture all by itself, and as he leaned harder onto Kaidan’s back, he willed his knot to deflate. It was halfway down, and in only a few more minutes, he would be back inside his lover, banishing the pain, answering the insistent call to mate him, to slam his body home deep and wring moans of pleasure from the man, rather than these cries of pain…

He felt his erection throb, and looked down… Thank god, the knot was shrinking before his eyes. Just a little longer…

Another wave hit, ripples visible right through Kaidan’s skin as his body revolted against him, and, nearly exhausted, his next scream faded to a keening wail as his body seized. And to think, he had very nearly chosen to go through this alone. If he had done, instead of five minutes of agony, he would have had to go through twelve fucking hours of it.

Kaidan got an arm free and flailed wildly, smacking Shepard in the head. He was knocked sideways off Kaidan, his teeth rattling, but his own hormones were operating full force now, and he merely shook off the blow and leapt back on top of the omega.

And, just for good measure, bit him on the neck again. What was conventionally a display of dominance had the unexpected effect of calming Kaidan slightly, and Shepard bit harder, hoping to buy himself another minute of time. Unable to look at himself, he eased a hand down… and swore in relief, right through the bite, as he felt the knot recede entirely. 

Without wasting another second, he shoved Kaidan’s legs apart and buried himself deep.

Kaidan screamed again, his body bucking under Shepard’s, and it took Shepard a moment to figure out what was going on. Having a cock inside him hadn’t seemed to stop the pain, and Shepard realised that, after this long without it, Kaidan’s body wasn’t going to be satisfied with a mere thorough fucking. 

He needed to be knotted, the pressure providing a counterpoint to the powerful muscular spasms in his belly. 

Which was all well and good, but Shepard wasn’t twenty years old any more. Back when he’d mated David, he’d been able to climax in two minutes flat. And for a while, in the middle of it all, he’d been coming every twelve minutes for well over an hour. You could have set your watch to it.

But today, nearly ten years on and worlds apart, he had a nasty feeling it was going to take a lot longer than he would have liked.

But now that he was buried deep inside a warm body, his inner alpha was not about to be denied, and Shepard found himself wrapping one arm around Kaidan’s waist, the other around his chest, his teeth still firmly embedded in the thick muscles of his neck. And, with a brief check to make sure the man beneath him could still actually breathe, his hips took on a life of their own, pistoning in and out of his body, slick fluids coating both their thighs. Kaidan was reduced to rasping moans now, his voice all but shot, and his body was jerked back and forth like a doll in time with Shepard’s thrusts. The distant, sane part of his mind was horrified with what he was doing, disgusted and nauseated by the limp flopping of the body beneath his. 

But the alpha in him knew what it was doing. He’d told Kaidan the truth, when he’d said an alpha wanted to care for his omega, wanted to bring him pleasure, and only turned violent if that urge was denied. And somehow, Shepard’s alpha had understood that despite the struggling and screaming, Kaidan had accepted him, had given him permission to be doing this…

And his thrusts, as seemingly violent as they were, were designed to bring maximum stimulation to them both. Quicker than he would have thought possible, Shepard felt a climax building, and took a few quick, deep breaths, bracing himself for the onslaught of his first full, satisfying, pheromone-induced, hormone-crazed mating orgasm in years…

And when it came, it was like a tsunami washing over him, sweeping his mind utterly clean of any sane thought, lightning rushing through his body, pleasure so intense it blurred his vision and wrung a scream from his throat. And then he felt his knot swell… and prayed that now, at last, Kaidan would be okay…

 

 

Kaidan was dimly aware of his body flopping back and forth, fiery pain in his belly, in his limbs, in his head, of the thick scent of sex and male in the air, of the slickness between his thighs… and pure terror gripped him. Rational thought returned in a rush, even through the pain, and he remembered talking to Shepard about the heat. Remembered agreeing to be mated. Remembered taking his clothes off…

And then there was nothing, until he was here, his body being pounded by a strong alpha, his head aching, a hot, thick length pumping in and out of his body and teeth in the back of his neck, and he felt tears rise with the despair in his mind. He had been wrong. Shepard had lied – an alpha could only ever be violent, and he was now paying the price of his naivety. 

“Shepard…” he tried to say, but his throat hurt too much, raw and burning, and he could only imagine how it had gotten that way. And then he heard Shepard’s breathing quicken, heard the startled grunt that preceded a sharp jerk of his hips, and a rush of hot fluid into his belly… and Kaidan felt sick at the knowledge of what it was. Shepard finally released his neck, and Kaidan was sure he could feel blood seeping from the wound as Shepard screamed out his pleasure.

Kaidan held himself still for a moment, hoping that this round of madness was over, at least for a few minutes…

But then he felt something that made his earlier fear seem like mild anxiety, a child’s fear of the dark in comparison to a soldier’s fear of being captured by the enemy in a war…

Shepard ground his hips against Kaidan’s ass, and god help him, he felt his knot begin to swell inside him… Kaidan tried to struggle, but Shepard had too tight a grip on him, and he was so tired, exhausted from his earlier struggles that he could barely move him even an inch. He tried to scream, but his voice was gone, and a rough moan came out, his arms flailing weakly against the mattress… and still the knot swelled, stretching him until he thought he would tear, the pressure filling him completely, pressing on things that were not meant to be pressed upon… and he felt a great wave rising inside him, and he panicked, sure that it would tear him apart…

And when his climax hit, his body convulsed, pleasure unrecognizable from pain, fluid spurting from him in pulses, nerves scraped raw as he abandoned all hope, and simply wished to die…

 

Kaidan was floating. It was blissfully peaceful, his mind blank, his limbs heavy. Something warm and firm was behind him, wrapped around him, and he snuggled closer. His body was sore, particularly his throat… but he felt the most amazing pressure deep inside his body… down low in his abdomen, he thought… and it made him feel safe and secure, as if all was well in the world. And a sense of anticipation filled him, like a wonderful surprise was about to be revealed. 

His head was sore, and as he frowned, he thought he could feel something sticky on his face. He sighed, and felt a warm hand stroking his chest. He inhaled… and the scent filled him with joy. Shepard. Shepard was here with him. That was his scent, his body wrapped warm and tight around him. He cracked open his eyes.

The sight in front of him didn’t make any immediate sense. There was an overturned chair. A white tiled floor. A smear of red on the tiles. Blood? He was lying on his side, on some kind of mattress, a blue blanket spread out beneath him… and god, what was that fantastic pressure he could feel? It was like someone had stuck a balloon up his ass and inflated it. Though why that should feel so good was a mystery. He tried to clear his throat, and had to swallow several times. His throat was dry, and he turned his head to see if there was some water…

“Shh… take it easy.” The arms around him tightened as he tried to move, and Kaidan instantly relaxed, trusting the voice implicitly. 

“Thirsty,” he managed to say, and the stroking across his chest resumed. 

“I know,” Shepard said. “I’ll get you some water in a few minutes.”

Kaidan hummed an agreement and settled back onto the mattress. And tried to figure out where he was. The room looked like… one of those bases they kept visiting. The light fittings, the tiles, the regulation furniture… But how had he gotten here? 

And why was he lying on the floor?

Behind him, Shepard shifted, and the balloon in his ass shifted as well, pressing up against something that felt oooh, soooo good… He shifted his ass again, hoping to feel it some more… and there it was, like little electric shocks between his legs. And he reached down to stroke his cock, liking the sensation… wondering where it was coming from.

“You son of a fucking bitch!” Memory returned in a rush, the heat, the mating, and Kaidan realised in a flash that what he could feel was Shepard’s knot. 

He tried to sit up, only to be forced back down into the mattress. He was knotted. Shepard had his fucking knot up his ass, and Kaidan wanted it out, _needed_ it out, before he chocked on it, before he panicked, and he tried to pull away again, only to feel a sharp tugging pain that had him crying out, his already abused throat made sorer. 

“For fuck’s sake, Kaidan, lie still!”

Trying to control his panic, Kaidan did, tense and breathing fast. “What the fuck did you do to me?” he demanded, panic making him have another attempt at escape. But Shepard’s hold didn’t budge.

“I did exactly what you needed me to do,” Shepard said, through what sounded like gritted teeth. “You needed to be mated. You needed a knot up you to stop the pain. Think, Kaidan. And while you’re at it, take the time to realise that I’m not actually hurting you here.”

Wasn’t hurting him? Kaidan remembered pain, remembered feeling stretched and filled and having his body completely out of his control. Fuck, he could still feel the burning ache in his…

Uh… Kaidan paused in his mental rant, and finally took stock of his own body. There were sore parts, certainly. A throbbing spot on his head. A sting on his neck where Shepard had bitten him. But the raw agony was… gone. Gingerly, he flexed his hips, pressing back against Shepard… and now that he thought about it, he had to admit that Shepard was right. The knot didn’t hurt. It felt odd, certainly, like a part of his body had been displaced, but it wasn’t painful.

“I remember… pain,” he ventured, hoping not to upset the man who was linked to him rather intimately. “A lot of pain.”

“I couldn’t mate you because my knot was already inflated,” Shepard explained. He pressed a kiss to Kaidan’s shoulder, an apology of sorts. “And then the next wave of the heat hit, and I couldn’t stop the pain until I could get inside you. Do you remember that?”

He did, now that he was reminded, and he croaked out a ‘yeah’. And his emotions took another dive. He’d only been put in that position because he’d refused to let Shepard knot him in the first place. So if this was anyone’s fault, it was his own, not Shepard’s. “I’m sorry.”

He was exhausted, both physically and emotionally, and he glanced around, managing to get a glimpse of the clock on the wall. Three and a half hours. They were three and a half hours into a twelve hour run, and he was utterly exhausted.

“Shepard?” he asked, his voice edged with desperation. 

“Hm?” The answer was a rumble through Shepard’s chest, and Kaidan pressed himself closer. Shepard had been his anchor, his safe port for years. And he needed him now, more than ever. 

“Don’t leave me,” he asked, not caring that he sounded weak and pitiful. He needed Shepard. And pride be damned, he wasn’t above admitting it.

Shepard kissed his shoulder and pulled him closer, his body seeping warmth into Kaidan’s chilled one. “I’m not going anywhere.”


	7. Recovering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this chapter is a lot easier on the boys. I figured I had tortured them enough for a little while...

The breather lasted a good fifteen minutes, this time, but even after Shepard’s knot deflated, Kaidan was reluctant to let him pull out. The memory of the pain was… vivid…

But, as Shepard pointed out, they both needed food and water, and Kaidan needed the cut on his head seen to. And now that his knot was down, he could be back inside Kaidan at a moment’s notice. 

And so, fed, watered and patched up, they were sitting side by side on the mattress, a fresh towel replacing the one that had been soiled, and Kaidan was finding the moment… refreshing. Shepard had been flawlessly attentive, not only providing for Kaidan’s physical needs, but also offering endless reassurance, in the form of a kiss to his forehead, a stroke across his shoulders, gentle hands applying medigel to his cuts. And now, he was just holding Kaidan’s hand, stroking his fingers, his wrist, running his thumb back and forth over his pulse. 

And Kaidan’s mind drifted back to the unnamed omega that Shepard had mated years before. He had been half in love with Shepard before this all started, and in this brief interlude of lucid thought, he acknowledged that it was quite likely he would only develop a stronger emotional attachment to him as a result of this… event. But had the other omega been in love with him? Shepard had a powerful personality, his charisma and strength of character acting as its own gravitational force, attracting people from all walks of life. Had the omega fallen in love with him throughout the heat? Is that why he had asked him to come back again the following year?

It was hard to imagine ever wanting to go through this again, but, he had to admit, the undivided attention was nice. Being the center of Shepard’s world, even for a few hours, was… exhilarating. 

And then he felt the bump on his head and the tiredness in his limbs… And thought maybe the price was too high. To go through this as an unplanned emergency was one thing, but to willingly volunteer for it?

Without quite noticing it, Kaidan found he had shifted closer, and he was a little startled to realise that his hand was rubbing up and down along Shepard’s thigh. Both their erections were back, and Kaidan felt a by-now-familiar pooling of heat in his groin. Without even thinking about it, he reached out and took Shepard’s hand, and placed it squarely over his cock.

Shepard raised an eyebrow, a smirk rising on his lips. “Your eyes are golden,” he said huskily, and Kaidan was dimly aware that that was supposed to mean something important… but getting Shepard to stroke him was currently far, far more important. He thrust his hips upwards, then found that his position restricted his movement too much, and shifted around instead, lying back on the mattress and tugging Shepard closer. And then it wasn’t just Shepard’s hand on his cock, but his lips, too, and on his nipples, up to his neck, and his fingers around to his back passage, already slick with lubricant. And kissing… oh, the kissing was just heavenly. Shepard’s teeth tugging on his lower lip, his stubble rough against his skin, his hands molding his cock…

“Want you,” Kaidan moaned, parting his legs further.

“Like this?” Shepard asked, and Kaidan nodded, shifting to wrap his legs around Shepard’s waist. Shepard’s eyes were golden now, as well, and then he was pushing inside him, the fullness a welcome pressure now, rather than a startling invasion.

“Mmmm… fuck me…” 

And Kaidan watched him through hooded lids as he did just that, lips parted, tongue wetting them, moans of pleasure issuing from both of them. 

But the steady thrusting wasn’t enough, the rising pleasure coming too slowly, and Kaidan dug his heels into the mattress to push himself up, to bounce his ass on Shepard’s cock, feeling it fill him over and over…

But the peak was still elusive… he thrust harder, trying to force Shepard deeper, feeling his fingers dig into his hips… and he cried out as a ripple of pain surged through him. Nothing like as bad as last time, but unpleasant none the less, and he called for Shepard to do him harder, deeper, and why the hell wasn’t he going faster? He wrapped his hand around his own cock, stroking roughly, panting, writhing for a release that seemed like it would never come, and then another ripple speared through him…

“Oh, god, Shepard… it hurts…”

And then he found his knees flung up over Shepard’s shoulders while Shepard pounded into him, his climax still just out of reach, his hand on his cock frantic now. “I can’t… It won’t… I need it, Shepard…”

“What do you need?”

“You. I need…”

“What do you want?”

“I want…” He ground down on Shepard’s cock, wanting to feel full, needing to feel that pressure again. “I want… more… I want…” He collapsed, unsatisfied but exhausted, while Shepard picked up the slack. “I want your knot jammed so far up me I can taste it,” Kaidan blurted out, too far gone to even care what he had just said. 

“Fuck, yes,” Shepard agreed, flesh slapping against flesh as he hammered into Kaidan… and then Shepard tensed, a strangled moan signaling his end, and Kaidan felt the warm rush of fluid inside him, wanting it, needing it, panting in anticipation until… yes! There it was, the tightening, the filling, Shepard’s knot stretching him until… a little more… oh fuck, yes…

“Fuck! Aaahhh! Fuck!” Kaidan’s body finally gave up, his release bursting out of him in great spurts, his ass clenching around that marvelous knot, so full, so wonderful…

Shepard was watching him from beneath hooded eyes, perhaps tired, perhaps just supremely satisfied. “Don’t look so damn pleased with yourself,” Kaidan murmured, a grin teasing the edge of his lips. And Shepard’s smug satisfaction only increased. 

“Oh, you think that was good?” he asked, and Kaidan nodded, momentarily sated and unwary. “Then I should warn you… I’ve got a few more tricks up my sleeve,” Shepard told him, and Kaidan felt his body flush with moisture, more than ready for another pounding… but with Shepard’s knot lodged tightly inside him, that was going to have to wait-

“Fucking hell!” As Shepard twisted his hips, pressing his knot deeper, harder against Kaidan’s walls, the omega instantly came again, his whole body throbbing with pleasure. “Shepard!”

“Was that a complaint?”

Kaidan panted helplessly. “Fuck no. Do it again.” And so Shepard did…

 

At the far end of the base, Garrus was pacing back and forth, his armor abandoned on the floor. “What if he’s killed him?” he asked, not trying to be tactless, just… genuinely concerned. These human rituals were a mystery to him, but surely Shepard would never willingly harm a member of his crew? But ever since the bout of screaming had suddenly and inexplicably gone quiet, the team had been pacing, worrying, fidgeting… 

But then, other sounds began to filter through the walls. Strange sounds. Like… moans? Or wails? 

“Fuck me! Oh, god, fuck me! Shepard!”

And as the words filtered through the sealed door, James turned a rather interesting shade of red. Astonishing, how many different skin tones these humans were capable of.

“I guess that means he’s alive,” Garrus concluded dryly.

 

Hours later, Kaidan was propped on his knees and elbows, head hanging low as Shepard pounded into his backside. He barely remembered the last few hours, one bout of sex merging with the next. And Shepard had barely been out of him the entire time. They’d dragged the tray of food closer, right to the edge of the bed, to they could snack while Shepard continued to plough into him. And he wondered for a moment how he had ever thought there was anything wrong with this, why he had been upset at the thought of being knotted… and right on cue, Shepard grunted, his hips surging forward, filling Kaidan’s belly with yet another load of come as his knot filled his ass in the most delicious way… 

Kaidan slid a hand down to stroke his cock, knowing that he would come again soon, and savoring the anticipation… He couldn’t even manage to lift his head any more, but the view between his legs was just as good…

And then Shepard did that twisting thing again, and Kaidan came helplessly, soaking the already soaked towel beneath him.

Shepard’s hand slid round, stroking his cock as Kaidan had been doing only moments before. “I’m not being too hard on you, am I?” he asked, that silky purr back in his voice, though there was a hint of genuine concern there as well.

“Hell, no,” Kaidan insisted, wriggling his ass against Shepard just to feel the knot shift inside him. “Fuck me again.”

Shepard chuckled, wrapped an arm around his chest and hauled him upright, supported against Shepard’s chest, even as the move shoved his knot deeper inside him. Kaidan moaned and wiggled, seeking more stimulation, more of that wonderful feeling of fullness… and Shepard obliged, rotating his hips in a slick move that sent Kaidan’s come shooting across the towels and more fluid seeping down his thighs.

Kaidan sagged in Shepard’s arms, he head flopping back against his shoulder, his breath panting out of him in short huffs. “Don’t want this to end,” he murmured, eyes closed, half asleep, even as a flush of heat geared his body up for another round. 

“We need another towel,” Shepard said pragmatically, and reached around, managing to snag the edge of the soiled one to toss it away, and then he leant sideways carefully to grab another. He handed it to Kaidan and said, “Spread this out.”

Kaidan did, only half aware of what he was doing, and then Shepard tumbled the pair of them carefully onto the mattress, landing on their sides, his legs tangling with Kaidan’s. “Just rest for a few minutes,” he said softly. “We can fuck again soon…”

 

Kaidan came awake slowly. The room was cold, though there was source of heat directly behind him. Not quite enough to keep him warm, though. He groped around blindly, hoping to find a blanket or something to cover himself with, and when he didn’t find one, he cracked open an eye… 

Why was he naked? 

Oh, right… the heat. He craned his neck around to look at the clock on the wall. Eleven and a half hours. He sagged back onto the mattress. It was over. Thank god…

But now he was cold… Ah yes… there was a blanket, stuffed into a pile at the bottom of the mattress. Too tired to sit up, he managed to snag the corner with his toes and pulled it up, covering himself and Shepard…

And felt a wave of heat fill his face. Right… he and Shepard had… fucked each other nine ways to Sunday. Well, actually, it was just Shepard fucking him, but-

Nope, enough thinking about that. Kaidan was sure that the fuzzy memories of the past day would be popping up to torment and embarrass him for weeks to come. But for now, he had plenty of other things to think about, like where he could get some more food – he was starving! – and how the hell they were going to clean up this mess, and what he was going to say to their team mates.

Besides, there was an odd feeling low in his body just at the moment…

And then the male tucked up behind him moved, and Kaidan figured out just what was out of the ordinary. Shepard had a firm grip on his cock. 

Not that it was an unpleasant sensation, but he had assumed that, now that the heat was over, a certain degree of awkwardness would creep in. And having his CO wake up with someone else’s dick in his hand wasn’t going to make that go any better. He reached down and gently teased Shepard’s hand open. Stroked his fingers, when he murmured a complaint… and set the errant hand on his hip instead. 

Shepard mumbled something incomprehensible and snuggled his face into the back on Kaidan’s neck. It stung a bit, from Shepard’s repeated bites, but he wasn’t going to complain. He thought back to his brief taste of the agony that an unmated omega went through, and though Shepard told him it had only been five minutes, it had felt like much, much longer. He owed Shepard a lot, for having spared him that.

He hadn’t had to do it. What protocol dictated he should have done was insist that Kaidan go unmated, proceed with the plan to restrain them both, and abandon him to his fate.

But instead, he’d committed an act of legal rape, regardless of whatever consent Kaidan had given, and put his reputation and his entire career on the line.

But as nice as all this snuggling was, it was really about time that they started showering and cleaning up. He moved to get up… and instantly found himself pinned to the mattress. 

“Um… Shepard? You awake?”

A sleepy mumble was the reply, which he took to be a no. “Shepard! Wake up. Come on, buddy…” He wriggled again, hoping to wake the other man… and then Shepard was yawning, a full-body stretch signaling his return to the world of the living.

“Morning,” he muttered sleepily, tugging Kaidan closer. Clearly, he had no intention of getting up just at the moment. 

“I want a shower,” Kaidan informed his Commander, trying to ignore the fact that they were both utterly naked. And, he noticed, as he tried to move his legs, he was wet. God knows what was coating his legs, but it was sticky and cold, and suddenly a shower sounded like the most blissful thing in the world… 

“Can’t,” Shepard replied, not loosening his hold one iota. 

“Why not?” Kaidan tried to twist around to look at him, and failed. And then he reassessed his opinion that Shepard was awake, as he felt him press his semi-hard cock into Kaidan’s backside. No way Shepard would be doing that on a normal day…

“Heat isn’t over,” Shepard said, and Kaidan snorted in disbelief. 

“I don’t know about you, but I’m all fucked out. And an absolute mess, so how about you let me up?”

“How long’s it been?” Shepard asked, and Kaidan glanced at the clock again. Yep, still the same time. 

“Eleven and a half hours. Trust me, we’re done.”

“Takes twelve hours,” Shepard replied belligerently. 

“What, you want to go at it again?”

“Nope,” Shepard replied sleepily. “My dick’s sore. You want sex, go fuck yourself.”

“My point,” Kaidan said, feeling like he was talking to a five year old. “So it’s over.”

“You can’t leave,” Shepard said. Kaidan frowned.

“I want a shower. And the heat is over.”

Shepard snorted, and finally released his hold on Kaidan. “It’s not over,” he repeated, sitting up, rubbing his eyes. They were bright blue. But then Kaidan thought back to the last time he hadn’t listened to Shepard. That had gone… badly. 

“What makes you so sure?” he asked cautiously, reassessing the situation.

“Try walking across the room,” Shepard advised him with a smirk. 

“Is this going to get me face-planted into the floor again?” Kaidan asked, standing up hesitantly. 

“Shouldn’t do. But no guarantees.”

“Okay… but just so you know, I’m only going to the bathroom.” He pointed to the small room off the side of their current location. “No reason to freak out.” 

He had taken a grand total of three steps when Shepard moved, faster than Kaidan would have believed possible, and he was suddenly captured in strong arms, held firmly against Shepard’s chest, his mouth beside his ear. And while it wasn’t a firm introduction to the floor, his grip was compelling, none the less.

“Where are you going?” he asked, his tone lazy, but Kaidan had the feeling that the relaxed mood could change in an instant. And he wondered how aware Shepard was of what he was doing.

“I’m going to take a shower.”

“No, you’re not.” It was a sleepy, amicable refusal, and Kaidan wondered how to get around this one. He glanced down at himself… oh, yuck… and yes, getting clean really, really was his new top priority. 

But if, as Shepard said, the heat wasn’t over, then getting him to comply with Kaidan’s wishes would involve… more seduction. Awkward, given that they were both now more or less lucid again.

Steeling himself, he reached behind him and stroked Shepard’s head, then twisted his face around to plant a soft peck on his lips. “How about you come shower with me?” he suggested, and instantly, Shepard’s frown eased into a pleased smirk. 

“Mmm… warm, wet Kaidan… I couldn’t think of anything better,” he purred, leading them both hastily towards the bathroom.

By the time they were under the spray – and thank god the water heater in this old place was still functioning – Shepard was back to being almost normal. They washed themselves, rather than each other, and Shepard explained that the pheromones took a while to clear. It should get better once they were both showered and had cleaned the soiled sheets and towels out of the room.

But as they were dressing, Shepard still staying close by his side, Kaidan glanced up just as Shepard was fastening his pants, his chest still shirtless, and suddenly the thought of being apart from him, having to go back to duty and regulations and the imposing distance of serving aboard the Normandy was unbearable. He needed Shepard, needed him here, close beside him, every day, their skin against each other, and he suddenly stepped forward and pressed him up against the bathroom wall, kissing him with feverish need, his taste, his scent the most intoxicating thing in the world, and he never wanted to leave, wanted to feel Shepard’s hands on his body every day for the rest of his life…

Sanity returned in a rush, and Kaidan froze, lips on Shepard’s, aware that the body against his was passively accepting his affections, but not returning them… and he stepped back with a horrified look on his face. “Sorry… I’m so sorry…”

But Shepard just chuckled as he got a look at his expression. “It’s heady stuff,” he conceded. “The heat finishes slowly. Just like it started slowly. We’ll end up doing that a few more times, yet.”

Really? “Then how about we don’t open the door until there’s no risk we’re going to jump each other in front of the crew?” Because if he didn’t die of embarrassment before then, that would certainly push him over the edge.

“We need to ventilate the room. Clear the air. And they’re probably worried.”

“Right…”

“Here,” Shepard grabbed a tube of medigel. “Let me put this on your neck. It’s started seeping again.”

Kaidan reached up to feel the bite mark… and sure enough, his fingers came away with streaks of red on them. Shepard’s touch against the wound was light and gentle, and he wondered once again at the past 12 hours, the attentiveness, the care and concern, the… okay, it wasn’t exactly gentle, but relatively speaking? He had been an absolute saint compared to what the average alpha did. 

So was it just Shepard? Was he the exception to the rule, a lone beacon among beasts… or was their entire understanding about alphas actually completely wrong?

“Come on,” Shepard said, pulling on his shirt. “Let get this room clean. And find some food. I’m starving.”


	8. Returning Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter. But don’t worry, I’ve already started the sequel. And started planning the sequel to that…  
> There’s a slight mention of mpreg here, but this isn’t going to become an mpreg fic. That’s just not my kink.

A day and a half later, Kaidan waited for the shuttle doors to open. Back in the cargo bay of the Normandy, it was easy to look around and see everything as it had always been – the weapons bench, the armory, James’ work out gear – and believe that nothing had changed. They had gone on a mission, been caught in a blizzard, and been rescued six days later. 

It was a nice lie, a gentle, easy lie, and one that no one besides their ground team would ever question. No one else would ever know that he was an omega. No one needed to know he’d been fucked senseless by his Commander. 

No one needed to know the meaningless words that had tumbled from both their lips during the frantic mating. The ‘I love you’s, and the ‘I need you’s and the requests to stay with each other forever… Senseless rubbish spewed by their respective hormones, the emotional highs and intense feelings fading back to a manageable norm within hours of them both showering and letting the room vent to clear out the lingering scents.

No one needed to know about the hasty dash into a secluded corner, some three hours after the heat was declared officially over, to paw at each other, frantic kissing and groping and hands slipping beneath clothing… until the surge of hormones had worn off again, and there had been mumbled apologies and the embarrassed clearing of throats.

But the trouble with that, Kaidan thought, as he stowed his gear, noting the way James avoided his gaze, was that his feelings for Shepard had never been just the normal, everyday admiration of a soldier towards his commanding officer. He’d carried a secret torch for the man for years, and had always managed to pretend it didn’t exist, that they were just colleagues and team mates and friends. 

But now… now that he knew that Shepard, the calm, cool and collected beta, was in fact the most gentle, considerate, impossibly attentive alpha the galaxy possessed… well, he was in serious trouble.

The team had never spoken of what went on in the far room in the abandoned base. When he and Shepard had finally emerged, he had been greeted with concerned faces and the occasional angry glance Shepard’s way… but with hasty assurances that he was fine, unharmed (mostly, at least. A few cuts and bruises were hardly anything to get excited about… and then there was the bruise on the side of Shepard’s face, the one he refused to explain…) and that he had no plans to accuse Shepard of any wrongdoing, the issue had been firmly swept under the rug, a single cool glare from Shepard forever silencing James’ brief request for… more information. And it had been impressed upon Garrus and Liara that these sorts of issues were intensely private for humans, so _any_ further discussion of them, whether in public or private, was utterly inappropriate and grounds for being thrown off the Normandy.

And aside from a few discrete inquiries after his health, he and Shepard hadn’t discussed anything either. He had told Shepard quietly that he wasn’t going to press charges. And Shepard had gone still, avoiding his gaze for a moment. And then he’d told him that he had every right to accuse him of rape… but had thanked him for the reprieve.

“Thank _you_ ,” Kaidan had replied, biting back the words he really wanted to say. “For everything. It was… educational.” And that, at least, had earned him a smirk, a chuckle, and an order to ‘get back to work’ with a wry grin.

And that was the last word that had been said on the matter. So now, there was just one last thing he needed to do to complete the lie. And that was to see Dr. Chakwas. There was a 95% chance that he would fall pregnant, and both he and Shepard had agreed that having a child now was out of the question. Not that omegas generally kept their own offspring. Most of the children were adopted out to betas, couples wanting to raise a child but unable to have one of their own. 

But that was beside the point. A pregnancy would put him out of active duty for a year, and would be as public an announcement as there could be that he was an omega. Not a great career move.

By the time he had finished sorting his gear, Shepard was long gone from the cargo bay, and he supposed it was just as well. He headed up to the med bay… but as he walked in the door, Chakwas turned to face him, and he could see from her expression that Shepard had beaten him to the punch. 

“Shepard’s told you,” he said immediately, and Chakwas relaxed a little, no doubt relieved she didn’t have to pretend not to know already. 

“He said… that you would need some emergency birth control,” she said, already fiddling with a small packet of pills in her hands. “The rest was fairly obvious.”

“You knew he was an alpha?”

“I have access to the medical records of the entire crew,” Chakwas answered, and Kaidan wondered briefly who else among the human crew members was… something other than what they seemed. 

“Right. So did he tell you what happened down there?”

Chakwas’ professionally calm and controlled expression cracked for a split second, a flinch that was quickly smoothed away. “No. But… I’d have to be blind to not have seen the vids. The news that comes out every few months, of another omega who’s been… taken advantage of. I know what alphas are capable of.” She looked Kaidan in the eye, letting her concern show. “Are you injured?”

It was comforting, to know that he could have told her anything, absolutely anything, and she would have calmly treated the injuries and filed the appropriate reports and kept her mouth shut. But it was an even greater relief to be able to look her in the eye and give her an honest answer… “No. A few bruises. That’s all.”

“And did you…” She flushed suddenly, perhaps reconsidering her words. “Did you consent?” she asked cautiously.

Consent could only be given in writing, with an encrypted date stamp to eliminate the risk of tampering. And of course, he had no such document to show her.

“No,” he admitted, feeling that the words were a lie even as he said them. In every way that mattered, he had consented. It was unfortunate that the law didn’t recognise that. “But I don’t want to press charges.”

Chakwas bit her lip, no doubt torn between wanting to protect a patient, and wanting to remain loyal to her Commander. “I’m legally required to inform you that you have 28 days in which to file a report,” she forced herself to say, and Kaidan stepped forward, putting a gentle hand on her arm. 

“Karin. It’s alright. I’m not going to charge him with rape. He didn’t do anything wrong.”

She nodded in relief. “On to the next issue, then. Shepard told me you would need… birth control.” She looked up into his eyes, compassion radiating from them. “Is that… your own choice?” In the politest way possible, she was asking if Shepard had strong-armed him into taking the medication.

“It’s my own choice,” he said firmly, taking the packet of pills from her fingers. “It’s all been my own choice… all the way through.”


End file.
